Score one for the Chrysler

This has nothing to do with the 1st debate of the presidential race, but if The Chrysler doesn't just wrap this up like a jimmy hat on an 18 yr old on prom night, it's beyond me.

We have screwed this whole thing up bad. In my humble opinion, the basic conservative fundamental philosophies are correct. However, the basic ideology is just a vehicle. We still need someone to drive this thing.

A Ferrari is a superior vehicle, but if there's a drunk behind the wheel, it's not going to perform.

Over the past 8 years with The Monkey, we've endured:
9/11
A war
Katrina
The housing crisis
The economic crisis

How the F do you defend that? You can't.

No matter how The Coat Hanger spins his plans, you still have to reflect on the past 8 years as being part of his base philosophies.

The Chrysler is going to run away with this thing.

To0 bad when he takes office not a a thing will CHAAAAAANGGEEEEE..........

But we'll have HOPE that it will. Because YES WE CAN.

Apparently, those 3 things are the solve alls.

Baseball Sucks

Among many things, Baseball does some gay stuff.

They call their coach a manager. A manager? Don't you find managers in cubes asking how many calls you made today? Every other sport calls their coach.............Coach.

Why do their "Managers" wear baseball uniforms? You have old fat bald dudes in uniforms and cleats. Cleats?!?! WTF do they need cleats for? Think about that. Some tub like Lasorda sitting there sweating in the dugout wearing the same uni that his players are. Like he's going to grab a helmet and pinch run for someone at 1st.

Could you imaging this happening in other sports? Could you see Charlie Weis and Andy Reed in full gear with a headset over their helmet? Lou Holtz?

Could you see Phil Jackson wearing a tank top, XXXXL shorts and a headband walking up and down the court?

Michael Phelps' coach in the front row of the stands in a Speedo?

Seriously, how ludicrous is that?

It's better to give than to receive.

Being the staunch religious man that I am, I believe that this is one of the 10 Commandments or Golden Rules or something like that.

Either way, I've always found that there is more joy in giving than always looking to receive. It's more fulfilling to share than to hoard or be greedy.

I'll admit. I'm a simple person with simple needs and wants. It makes life easy for me when my needs & wants are small. And when I have more than I need and have the ability to provide for others I would much prefer to share what I have.

It brings me great joy to share dog shit with others. No really, it does. When I'm fortunate enough to see the loaf just before I run it over with the mower, splattering shit on my ankles, I make the choice to give.

I find the nearest stick and flick the dog shit onto the sidewalk for ALLLLLLLL to enjoy. I mean, why should I be the only one to enjoy it? Mushy, Dry, Stinky & Slimy. It doesn't matter. It finds it's way onto the sidewalk for everyone.

I do wonder though. When the "neighbor of the year" walks by the next morning and notices his dogs feces on the sidewalk and not my grass where he left it, does a light bulb go off? Do they sit back and say, "Oh, maybe this guy didn't want me to leave Fido's yam on the grass."

Doubtful.

The Fatwa Has Been Lifted

Ed,
Don't go Bill Buckner on us and land in some obscure mountain town and surround your home with mines and machine gun nests. Don't wrap your head in foil to keep the evil from entering your head and chewing on brain. The Fatwa has been lifted.

How can you you hate this guy.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Ed-Hochuli-is-very-frowny-after-the-disaster-in-?urn=nfl,108018

Ed Huchuli:

I have ordered a Fatwa of death for you. DEATH!

There is a nice hot seat waiting for you in hell where that XXS polyester striped shirt will melt to your skin for eternity.

Dear David Beckham,

Go Away.

Yeah, I realize you've sleighed more ho's than King Arthur. I realize your wife is smoking hot, in a Martian kind of way. And I realize that all the wives goo goo over you.

But, go away.

I am tired of seeing you on ads and magazine covers looking like some kind of bad ass you're not. Why do you try and look like you just punched through someones sternum, grabbed their heart and took a bite out of it before they hit the floor? Are you an MMA fighter? Are you Bruce Lee reincarnate? Why you always trying to look hard?

Do you realize you're a soccer player? An over the hill soccer player? You ain't Tom Brady. You aint Timberlake. You're a Grass Fairy.

Go style your eyebrows so you look dangerous. Go stuff a potato down your BVD's so it looks like you have root. Go ink yourself up some more so you look like 50. In fact, go shoot yourself 9 times and try not to miss your head.

Or just please, go away.

We're all Gonna Die!

Those guys who are Wicked Smaht are back.

The Large Hadron Collider is set to demolish the Earth on Wednesday. For those non-nerds, the Large Hadron Collider is that $10Billion thing they have spent 200 years building over in Switzerland. The LHC is that thing that is going to accelerate atom particles to re-create the Big Boom. The LHC is that thing that is going to let the F'ing Klingons enter the Earth through a worm hole created and destroy us.

Seriously. Science is cool and all, but this might be one of the coolest experiments of all time. Right next to feeding seagulls Alkaselters and watching to see if their guts explode at 100 feet. Even though experiments might be cool and answer questions that have been baffling people for centuries, are they really necessary?

Ok, what happens if we figure out how the Universe works a little better? That's not going to help me pay my bills. That's not going to keep my Chargers from letting me down time and time again. So whats the point? I realize the chances are SOOOO remote that I'll be seeing Klingons vaporize people in line at Starbucks, but if there is a possibility for throwing the Earth out of rotation, why do it?

I'm all for progress, but unless we have a feeling that we know there's a way to cure cancer by doing this, is it really worth the risk?

Things I Hate: 5

Field Goal Kickers...................I mean Soccer players who strap up in pads.

They aren't one of us. They'll never be one of us. They are "Idiot Kickers" and they have 1 job to do. Kick the oblong through the goal posts.

They don't practice with the team, but you know they're on the team. Every day at practice, you see them in the distance..........kicking field goals with the..........back up kicker......err.....other soccer player. They kick from both hashes, long and short, from behind the posts, from the parking lot banking off cars. All through the uprights.

Thats what they do for 3 f'ing hours while the real football players practice.

Come game day, they let you down. Not always, but enough. Chip shots should be automatic. FREAKING AUTOMATIC! You can not let your team down by choking a god dammed chip shot.

Possibly this is why Pop Warner is much less aggravating then College, Pro and even high school. Because, in Pee Wee league theres a good chance that the guy kicking the ball is wearing a neck roll, wearing #56, throws the ball on offense and plays middle backer on D. And if he misses, he's still one of you.

As opposed to the soccer player standing there with his stupid elf shoe (singular), styrofoam shoulder pads, spandex game pants and his Joe Theisman facemask enhancing his view.

Flip Flopping

Here I sit, watching the local High School pep rally ........err.........The Republican National Convention.

Dude, these people are weird. And I love how the camera keeps panning to the 3 black peoples in the crowd as well as the 1 or 2 good looking men and women in the crowd. Who they kidding? They're in Minnesota. Bunch of pasty, fat white folk up there.

Anyhow, after watching this I am totally inspired. I think I'm going to vote now. I know that's a Flip Flop, but if our politicians can do it so can I.

Come November, I will cast my vote for:

Montgomery Brewster: None of the Above

Things I Hate: 4

Why do all Hurricane Reporters report, on location, outdoors, in triple gale force winds, with a god damn baseball cap on?

Scenario:

"In, 3,..... 2,...... 1, you're on....."

"Good morning, this is Victor Delgado reporting live from New Orleans where Hurricane Gusto.........WHOOOOAAAAA, HOLY COW, THERE GOES MY HAT!"

Really??? No F'ing shit.

120 mile an hour winds tends to blow things around a bit. Why do they try and add effect to their reporting? As if we can't see the Volkswagon twirling through the air behind them.

I hate reporters.