Since the dawn of man, there have been things that just go together well. Peanut Butter & Jelly, Bacon & Eggs, Steak & Beer, Tits & Ass. Carne Asada & French Fries.
The California Burrito is the best god damn thing on this continent. If I was Greece, I'd be filing a lawsuit against the Mexicans for stealing their idea.
Wrapping carne asada, cheese & fries together is magic. Fries are the key ingredient. Not potatoes. This is not the Burrito Au Gratin. Keep that crap out of my mortar shell.
They key to finding a quality California Burrito is to find a taco shop that you would not want your kids to eat in for fear of Tuberculosis. $3.85 later, it's all good.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
A sinful world we live in
Because Carls readers are so incredibly diverse it makes sense to drop random surveys on the site. Political, Sports related and Culture so far. This allows Carl to make observations, think & ponder and then spit.
In short, a quick observation on the latest culture survey is that you all are a bunch of drug using perverts. And those who didn't respond were either too high to notice the survey or couldn't get off the site fast enough to google some ho gargling big hairy nuts.
Either way, that rules.
In short, a quick observation on the latest culture survey is that you all are a bunch of drug using perverts. And those who didn't respond were either too high to notice the survey or couldn't get off the site fast enough to google some ho gargling big hairy nuts.
Either way, that rules.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
It's a me first World
I have been fortunate enough to travel across our great country and been exposed to people from all walks of life.
Last week I found myself in DFW on standy for an earlier flight. This flight had a young lady whom fate had put in a wheel chair. She could not walk to her seat and the airline had decided 7B would be the best seat for her as it had some additional legroom. They informed the guy in 7B, (a sack of skin with poofy thinning hair and "cool" eye glasses ) that they would put him in an aisle seat a few rows back.
This asshole proceeded to erupt.........I stood in shock. Let me get this straight, he was not willing to sacrifice 15 cm of leg room for someone who can't walk? Really? He was shouting that he was only moving in exchange for a first class seat and that he needed other compensation from the airline.
The gate agent then made an announcement asking for anyone in row 7 to give up their seat for this young lady. The asshole then starts shouting, asking why they are "victimizing" him. Really...victimizing? For asking other people to step up and do the right thing because he wouldn't??
At this point I informed the man that he should shut his mouth... I also informed him that he was getting what he wanted since someone else gladly gave up their seat. Fucking amazing...!
The flight wound up departing 45 minutes late since they couldn't board on time as a result of all this.
So here is my thing...how fucking selfish do you have to be to think your little bit of leg room is more important than providing access to someone who is handicapped? I am far from perfect, I haven't always held that door, meant it when I said thank you, or kept a rude comment to myself...but in general I think I am pretty decent. When everyone aboard a McDonnell Douglass Super80 thinks you are an asshole...chances are you are a fucking asshole.
****
Inconsiderates. Had I been a steward on that flight, I would have urninated in his spritzer & rubbed his pretzles on my ball sack. Guarrantee you this man will pass the Frisbee test.
Nice work
Last week I found myself in DFW on standy for an earlier flight. This flight had a young lady whom fate had put in a wheel chair. She could not walk to her seat and the airline had decided 7B would be the best seat for her as it had some additional legroom. They informed the guy in 7B, (a sack of skin with poofy thinning hair and "cool" eye glasses ) that they would put him in an aisle seat a few rows back.
This asshole proceeded to erupt.........I stood in shock. Let me get this straight, he was not willing to sacrifice 15 cm of leg room for someone who can't walk? Really? He was shouting that he was only moving in exchange for a first class seat and that he needed other compensation from the airline.
The gate agent then made an announcement asking for anyone in row 7 to give up their seat for this young lady. The asshole then starts shouting, asking why they are "victimizing" him. Really...victimizing? For asking other people to step up and do the right thing because he wouldn't??
At this point I informed the man that he should shut his mouth... I also informed him that he was getting what he wanted since someone else gladly gave up their seat. Fucking amazing...!
The flight wound up departing 45 minutes late since they couldn't board on time as a result of all this.
So here is my thing...how fucking selfish do you have to be to think your little bit of leg room is more important than providing access to someone who is handicapped? I am far from perfect, I haven't always held that door, meant it when I said thank you, or kept a rude comment to myself...but in general I think I am pretty decent. When everyone aboard a McDonnell Douglass Super80 thinks you are an asshole...chances are you are a fucking asshole.
****
Inconsiderates. Had I been a steward on that flight, I would have urninated in his spritzer & rubbed his pretzles on my ball sack. Guarrantee you this man will pass the Frisbee test.
Nice work
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Strength through Peace??
What a dumb ass thought. Well intentioned and hopeful I'm sure, but another sorry attempt at a flawed philosophy.
This was a bumper sticker I saw on a Hybrid today.
Ronald Reagan, 20 some years ago, came up with the one of the most profound phrases of our generation. Peace through Strength.
Let's analyse this for a second. Peace through Strength. I interpret this as if I'm the baddest MF'er on the block (Strength), who really wants a piece of this? Therefore (Peace.)
Let's face it, no matter how nice you are, now matter how many good deeds you do (Peace), there is someone out there who won't like you. Whether it be the way you lead your life, your beliefs, or what you have. And someday, sometime, someone will challenge you to change or to take it.
If Mr. Mean sees two people on a street corner, Mr Peace and Mr Strength, who is the mark? The weak or the strong.
What strength do you achieve by peace? Yippee........ maybe a nice majority will like you, but there's still the lunatic who doesn't and you're weak ass will be primed for raping.
The last time I checked we don't live in Fantasy land.
This was a bumper sticker I saw on a Hybrid today.
Ronald Reagan, 20 some years ago, came up with the one of the most profound phrases of our generation. Peace through Strength.
Let's analyse this for a second. Peace through Strength. I interpret this as if I'm the baddest MF'er on the block (Strength), who really wants a piece of this? Therefore (Peace.)
Let's face it, no matter how nice you are, now matter how many good deeds you do (Peace), there is someone out there who won't like you. Whether it be the way you lead your life, your beliefs, or what you have. And someday, sometime, someone will challenge you to change or to take it.
If Mr. Mean sees two people on a street corner, Mr Peace and Mr Strength, who is the mark? The weak or the strong.
What strength do you achieve by peace? Yippee........ maybe a nice majority will like you, but there's still the lunatic who doesn't and you're weak ass will be primed for raping.
The last time I checked we don't live in Fantasy land.
Friday, December 5, 2008
I'd rather be Jewish
Ever since I learned that Santa Claus wasn't real, it's been downhill. That made the 11th grade a very depressing year.
Christmas has become a drag. If it wasn't for my 2 1/2 year old who is just getting into this fat dude in a red suit stuff, I'd convert to Judaism and just throw up a Menorah.
In order to just get my tree up, I must rearrange no less then 14 pieces of furniture. In order to set the household decorations, I must transfer 126 regular nicknack's into my bedroom. When I wake up in the morning and look at all the junk in there, I'm prepared to roll over and see Red Foxx from Sanford & Son lying next to me.
I electrocuted myself up to my armpit hanging the outside lights because I touched exposed wires that were sticking out of a broken bulb. (note to self, dont have them plugged in while stapling them to the roof while on a ladder)
You spend 20 days preparing for 1 day of delight.
Sandler may have been right. Instead of 1 day of presents they get 8 crazy nights.
And he doesn't need to call a moving company to get his Menorah into the front window.
Christmas has become a drag. If it wasn't for my 2 1/2 year old who is just getting into this fat dude in a red suit stuff, I'd convert to Judaism and just throw up a Menorah.
In order to just get my tree up, I must rearrange no less then 14 pieces of furniture. In order to set the household decorations, I must transfer 126 regular nicknack's into my bedroom. When I wake up in the morning and look at all the junk in there, I'm prepared to roll over and see Red Foxx from Sanford & Son lying next to me.
I electrocuted myself up to my armpit hanging the outside lights because I touched exposed wires that were sticking out of a broken bulb. (note to self, dont have them plugged in while stapling them to the roof while on a ladder)
You spend 20 days preparing for 1 day of delight.
Sandler may have been right. Instead of 1 day of presents they get 8 crazy nights.
And he doesn't need to call a moving company to get his Menorah into the front window.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Supercuts
I am a creature of habit. I know what works and what doesn't. I don't stray too far off the beaten path because I do not like the unknown. When I go to a familiar restaurant, I'll eat the same thing over and over because I know what I'm getting and I will leave there happy. I buy the same kind of car over and over because I know what I'm getting and won't be disappointed. I get my hair cut by the same girl because I know what I'm getting and I won't leave the shop with a perm I didn't ask for.
Could you only imagine the dismay on my face when I roll to Supercuts to find my girl tied up for 2 1/2 hours? 2 1/2 hours because she is doing some kind of gay frosty highlights on some guy. Some guy who isn't a year under 50.
This asswipe has my girl tied up so he can look like Mark McGrath. This dude had some kind of shower cap on, but it looked more like a tightly applied medical helmet that only wrapped the sides of his head. The top of the scull was bare and open. It looked as though he was being prepped for a lobotomy.
I wanted to walk over with a soup ladle, pull his scull up and dig in for some warm chili.
My routine, has been altered. Do you remember what Rainman looked like while he walked outside that ladys house because he was late for his date with the Peoples Court? Could you see Carl pacing back and forth in the lobby of Supercuts saying......"oh no.....oh no.......yeeaahh, this definately isn't good.....yeeeaahhh definately not good."
The Apocalypse was upon me.
Could you only imagine the dismay on my face when I roll to Supercuts to find my girl tied up for 2 1/2 hours? 2 1/2 hours because she is doing some kind of gay frosty highlights on some guy. Some guy who isn't a year under 50.
This asswipe has my girl tied up so he can look like Mark McGrath. This dude had some kind of shower cap on, but it looked more like a tightly applied medical helmet that only wrapped the sides of his head. The top of the scull was bare and open. It looked as though he was being prepped for a lobotomy.
I wanted to walk over with a soup ladle, pull his scull up and dig in for some warm chili.
My routine, has been altered. Do you remember what Rainman looked like while he walked outside that ladys house because he was late for his date with the Peoples Court? Could you see Carl pacing back and forth in the lobby of Supercuts saying......"oh no.....oh no.......yeeaahh, this definately isn't good.....yeeeaahhh definately not good."
The Apocalypse was upon me.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Things I Hate: 8
One thing I have noticed about life on the left coast is the people. They are health conscious and better looking, however pretty shallow, shelfish, and self-aborbed.
Case and point…the knob that tries to get past you in the store aisle and says "Excuse you!" Hmmm…lets think about this for a second. If you are trying to get past me…odds are I was there first. If you look at the primal order of things, this would mean I have more right to that space then you do. I'm like Magellan and I found this mother! Thus, you should go with "Excuse me".
Since you are inconveniencing me, and asking me to stop sifting through Puma gear to allow you to pass…..........you my friend are in need of being excused in this case.
Perhaps the next time some slap says "Excuse you" while trying to pass me I will chuck him into the clothes rack, thump my chest and shout "NONE SHALL PASS!!!"
In general I think we face an overall degradation of manners in our society, I think this movement started in Cali. I think Mr. & Mrs 'cuse you maybe the same person who flicks their cigarette butt out the window while sporting their "Go Green" bumper sticker on their hybrid. They take 29 items into the 15 items or less line at the market, and spends $551 dollars on their outfit so they can look retro. Oh yah..most likely they talk on their cell phone at the gym too.
NICE AJ...
Case and point…the knob that tries to get past you in the store aisle and says "Excuse you!" Hmmm…lets think about this for a second. If you are trying to get past me…odds are I was there first. If you look at the primal order of things, this would mean I have more right to that space then you do. I'm like Magellan and I found this mother! Thus, you should go with "Excuse me".
Since you are inconveniencing me, and asking me to stop sifting through Puma gear to allow you to pass…..........you my friend are in need of being excused in this case.
Perhaps the next time some slap says "Excuse you" while trying to pass me I will chuck him into the clothes rack, thump my chest and shout "NONE SHALL PASS!!!"
In general I think we face an overall degradation of manners in our society, I think this movement started in Cali. I think Mr. & Mrs 'cuse you maybe the same person who flicks their cigarette butt out the window while sporting their "Go Green" bumper sticker on their hybrid. They take 29 items into the 15 items or less line at the market, and spends $551 dollars on their outfit so they can look retro. Oh yah..most likely they talk on their cell phone at the gym too.
NICE AJ...
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