What am I, a magnet?

WTF is wrong with some people? Do they like the way my breath smells? Do they feel compelled to rub up against my hairy arms?

What is the psychosis behind the "close talker" and the "close walker".

You know that guy......the close talker. They're the ones who invade your space while having a conversation. Why do people feel compelled to be so close. Dude, you're too F'ing close to me!!

There is a common courtesy, a common sense and a general muther sucking unwritten rule! I don't want to touch noses with you while discussing daily events unless your name is Lisa.

And then there is the "close walker". (usually the same person). I know god dammed well that you don't want to hold hands with me, so why do you close in like we're magnetized? I move a foot away and you follow. Soon enough it's becoming obvious that you're putting me into a fucking wall, can't you see that? Can't you see that my arms are grazing stucco and metal on some building because you're steering me like I'm cattle? Can't you see that I keep dodging and weaving, ......in....... behind .......and around you like a bee following some kids ice cream cone? Don't you see that as pretty weird? Are you making a mental note of me and say, "Jesus Christ, this dude is strange, what the hell is he doing." Will it ever occur to you that you are the problem?

What am I supposed to say? Get the fuck away from me?

The Last Man Standing

You've heard this term before.

It usually applies to:
The last man alive on the field of battle.
The last gladiator alive in the arena.
Hulk Hogan in the cage match after he choked out all his oponents with some barbed wire.

To me, it became an F'ed up sign of aging.

Upon studying my face in the mirror, I noticed this lone soldier strand of hair jetting out in the middle of my forehead. I wondered..........how the F did this mutant hair get all the way out there? Hey little buddy, are ya lost?

Unfortunately, it wasn't a mutant, but marked the spot where my hair line used to be.

For it......was The Last Man Standing.

but he's gone now too.

46

You can't drink the 46, it tastes like Scotch.

C'mon, lets face it. Scotch tastes like Diesel, but people drink it. They drink it because it's cool & trendy. It's the same reason why someone will spend $90 on a T-shirt made in Taiwan if it has a cool fashion label on it. It's cool & trendy.

Makers Mark unveiled their new bottle of swill called.............46. It produced a kick ass bottle with a new taste. The issue is, is that it doesn't taste like Makers Mark. It doesn't have that distinct, rich, oaky flavor. It tastes like Scotch.

That is where Makers missed the mark, pun intended.

Since there has been an explosion of people drinking Scotch, Makers is trying to capitalize on the phenomenon. Here's the problem, people aren't going to buy a brand of whisky to drink Scotch. Remember..........Scotch tastes like shit. People want that ass tasting bottle of scotch in front of them because it looks cooler to taste on shit than it does to sip on whisky.

And yes. I won the blindfolded taste test between the two. It was like a fat boy vs a piece of cake. It wasn't even close.