The Elevator Chronicles

You ever ponder the fact that some of the smallest insignificant pet peeves can completely dictate your day? I have a friend who has dedicated his life to study the habits of people in elevators and it drives him insane. I thought it was funny enough to have him lay it out for me.


"The things I hate that people do in elevators are:"

a) when the call button for an elevator has been pressed AND is lit up, yet other people still feel the need to press that button again as if I didn’t press it the right way or the elevator might come faster because it was pressed twice. One time I saw one dumbass miss the elevator and say “Oh no!” and he started pressing the button repeatedly as if the elevator was going to say “Oh we missed someone, lets go back down and pick him up.”

b) when someone is walking toward the elevator and it starts closing and they just stop instead of trying to reach in and stop it. EVERYONE knows elevators are made to open if you stick something between the doors for f sakes! Now this only bugs me when I am walking behind this person and they are walking too slow to the elevators and then realize “I better speed up now since the elevator is closing.” Walk like you have a damn purpose in life or move to the side and let people pass your slow ass! Happens to me all the time.

c) this is similar to exhibit “a” but this pisses me off when I’m inside the elevator--when I get into the elevator, press the button, someone follows me in and sees me press the button, and still feels the need to press it again even after they saw me press it AND it lit up. Also, when the button is pressed and lit, the elevator makes another stop, someone gets on the elevator and presses the lit button. I so want to say “Hey good thing you pressed the button because I wasn’t sure if we were going to get to that floor after I pressed it.”

d) when waiting for the elevator for an extended period of time (over a minute) and this elevator has stairs close by. Finally the elevator arrives, we get on the elevator, go up one floor, stop and the people I got onto the elevator with get off the elevator. That is when I want to yell out “Next time walk your fat-a$$es up one flight of stairs you lazy f’s!” I always used to take the stairs but now I have so much stuff with me for my work that I am forced to take the elevator and watch stupidity and laziness.

e) when Mr. Toughguy stops the elevator. I was standing in an elevator, it was closing, then this guy stops the doors closing by putting his body right between the elevator doors and stands perpendicular to the doors closing and takes both hands and pushes the doors open as if these doors require a large amount of power to push open when they are closing. Last time I checked, sticking my hand between elevator doors makes them open back up. I wanted to say to this guy “Wow, you kept the door open with your brute strength, that was amazing” but I would have been thinking “Its amazing your dumbass just didn’t stick your hand between the door like any normal human being…”


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Hopefully more to come. And I think I have issues.