Standing over a Koi pond, I notice the Koi fish swimming to where I am. I decided to share the bagel I was eating with the Koi fish in the pond. I broke off little crumbs, flicked them in the water and watched the pieces bob around until they got swollowed up by those umbrella lips under the water.
Someone says to me: "Don't you see that sign right there?"
I say: "Yes, I saw it. It say's please do not feed the fish."
They said: "Well, what are you doing?"
I say: "Well, by saying "please", they are saying that they'd "rather me not" feed the fish or they'd prefer that I don't feed the fish."
If the sign said flat out, "Dont feed the fish", then I would have seen that as a difinitive "Don't feed the fish."
Now by saying "Please"..........it's leaving it somewhat up to interpretation. And at the current time I don't feel like being polite, so therefore I feed the fish.
Now piss off.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Observation of the Day
You know you're a tool when you use chop sticks at Noodles & Company. You are at Noodles! You find the one thing on the menu that has an Asian flare to it and you find it necessary to use chop sticks. Does it taste better using chop sticks? Is it different then the other noodles on the menu that makes it easier to eat with chop sticks? What if you weren't eating Asian noodles, would you use a fork? Or do you just use chop sticks all the time? Is that your preferred method of shoveling food into your mouth? Sticks are a better invention then a fork? What if you were eating enchiladas? Would you chop them up with your skinny wooden swords and eat it like sushi? Do you carry your own sticks around with you just like a pool shark carrys his pool cue? When you bring your kid to McDonalds, do you say, "Hold on sport, I have to run back to the car to grab my chop sticks to muscle down those McNuggets." You are a tool bag. You are at Noodles. Just eat your food. I get it if you are at an Asian restaurant or a sushi joint and want to take in the full experience and use some sticks, but your not. To take it a step further. You are the guy who goes to those places and believe you are in the middle of the Orient. When you walk into that place, you are the jackass who bows to the Asian guy working the front door named Phil who's never been out of California. I hope you would give the same level of respect to Ronald McDonald.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Physics
A mouse and the bottom of my foot should not occupy the same space at the same time. It could be deadly. How does that happen? You can't manually catch a mouse if you tried, yet I managed to exterminate a mouse with the bottom of my foot by accident. Am I that good? Should I open up an "all natural" rodent extermination company? My company slogan would be "No sprays or fum'as ......I use my Puma's" The death took place right outside of my garage door. I had just walked past the same area 15 seconds beforehand with the lights on and there was no mouse there lying on the ground. How did I manage this? I'm fast, but I know I'm not that fast. Was it mouse suicide? Did the mouse say, "To hell with this, I can take this NO MORE", and ran underneath my foot as it decended to the floor? It had to be. What are the chances this was purely coincidental?
Friday, February 11, 2011
Crazy People 2
I have answered my own question about schizophrenics.
Wouldn't you be cussing out and threatening your imaginary person if they followed you around, nagging you to death 24-7? Wouldn't you act like a deranged lunatic shaking your head in irritable convulsions and constantly changing direction while walking in an effort to escape the nonstop chirping going on in your ear? Wouldn't you mumble angry half sentences under your breath? If that was your daily life, you'd appear crazy too.
However, I've noticed that sane people act in the same fashion as people with schizophrenia. It's just that there is a real life human being attached to their hip, buzzing constantly in their ear about insignificant & irritation crap.
Their called wives.
Wouldn't you be cussing out and threatening your imaginary person if they followed you around, nagging you to death 24-7? Wouldn't you act like a deranged lunatic shaking your head in irritable convulsions and constantly changing direction while walking in an effort to escape the nonstop chirping going on in your ear? Wouldn't you mumble angry half sentences under your breath? If that was your daily life, you'd appear crazy too.
However, I've noticed that sane people act in the same fashion as people with schizophrenia. It's just that there is a real life human being attached to their hip, buzzing constantly in their ear about insignificant & irritation crap.
Their called wives.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Quote of the Day
"I don't care if that lobster is wrapped in gold, I ain't spending $320 for any of it." - Carl Limar
I hate being up sold on something when I don't want to be sold something in the first place. When the frozen meat man comes door to door telling me I can get 40lbs of steaks for $300, but I can get an extra box of lobster tails if I spend $320.............you get a smart ass response.
I hate being up sold on something when I don't want to be sold something in the first place. When the frozen meat man comes door to door telling me I can get 40lbs of steaks for $300, but I can get an extra box of lobster tails if I spend $320.............you get a smart ass response.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Crazy People
I want to be schizophrenic for a week. And I want it documented on video.
Have you ever witnessed schizo's arguing and yelling at imaginary people? It's fascinating. They're always cussing out some kind of adversary or enemy they have. The schizo's are always hurling volatile slurs and threats to some "being" that doesn't exist.
"WHAT? What the fuck did you say!? Do you know who I am!? I'll fucking kill you" (Then spits at a wall)
"Dibba dabba mutha fuka. Shit eh own da booba. Ima git yimma did that like a sucka monkey. Punk ass bitch!" (Grabs crotch)
When was the last time you've heard a schitzo's have a civil conversation? When was the last time you didn't see a schizo not waging war with the enemy? Why haven't we ever heard:
"Hey, fantastic job you did with the Johnson account. That's really going to pay us dividends down the road."
"Excuse me. Could you pass the Grey Poupon my fine man?"
I want, for a week, to find my inner enemy and act as if they are real. And I want my torment taped.
Have you ever witnessed schizo's arguing and yelling at imaginary people? It's fascinating. They're always cussing out some kind of adversary or enemy they have. The schizo's are always hurling volatile slurs and threats to some "being" that doesn't exist.
"WHAT? What the fuck did you say!? Do you know who I am!? I'll fucking kill you" (Then spits at a wall)
"Dibba dabba mutha fuka. Shit eh own da booba. Ima git yimma did that like a sucka monkey. Punk ass bitch!" (Grabs crotch)
When was the last time you've heard a schitzo's have a civil conversation? When was the last time you didn't see a schizo not waging war with the enemy? Why haven't we ever heard:
"Hey, fantastic job you did with the Johnson account. That's really going to pay us dividends down the road."
"Excuse me. Could you pass the Grey Poupon my fine man?"
I want, for a week, to find my inner enemy and act as if they are real. And I want my torment taped.
Friday, February 4, 2011
TV
There is some great stuff on TV right now. Every time I turn on the tube, there is something keeping my interest.
Madness in the Middle East
China using "Top Gun" footage in their news casts to show their AirForce supremacy.
Cairo on Fire
Charlie Sheen snorting a suitcase full of porn stars and banging cocaine all night long.
Last night I caught Real Sports with Bryant Gumball. It was good. Stories about football, football reporters and ex football players. Fascinating stuff. However, the most interesting was about Nate Newton.
We all know Nate Newton. You've seen that belly and admired it. Throughout the 90's he was an integral part of the equation. He was one of the most feared..............drug smugglers ever to play in the NFL.
Dude at one point was tipping 4bills. How did that guy ever get off the ball when he harboured a small Vietnamese family inside his belly?
The story in Real Sports was about ex NFL'ers exploding like hot air balloons after their playing days were over. Can you imaging Nate Newton nowadays? Holy F'ing Christ!
JJ Walker, I mean, Nate Newton has shed like 600 pounds since his playing days. The story was fascinating. Newton works out 6 hours a day and says:
"I'd rather have working out too much kill me then spend all day on the couch with constant trips heading to the fridge."
Tips in nowadays at around 210.
Madness in the Middle East
China using "Top Gun" footage in their news casts to show their AirForce supremacy.
Cairo on Fire
Charlie Sheen snorting a suitcase full of porn stars and banging cocaine all night long.
Last night I caught Real Sports with Bryant Gumball. It was good. Stories about football, football reporters and ex football players. Fascinating stuff. However, the most interesting was about Nate Newton.
We all know Nate Newton. You've seen that belly and admired it. Throughout the 90's he was an integral part of the equation. He was one of the most feared..............drug smugglers ever to play in the NFL.
Dude at one point was tipping 4bills. How did that guy ever get off the ball when he harboured a small Vietnamese family inside his belly?
The story in Real Sports was about ex NFL'ers exploding like hot air balloons after their playing days were over. Can you imaging Nate Newton nowadays? Holy F'ing Christ!
JJ Walker, I mean, Nate Newton has shed like 600 pounds since his playing days. The story was fascinating. Newton works out 6 hours a day and says:
"I'd rather have working out too much kill me then spend all day on the couch with constant trips heading to the fridge."
Tips in nowadays at around 210.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Eruption in Egypt
I have been watching this footage all week long. It's f'ing crazy. Anti-Government protesters going bananas, Protesters against the Anti-Government protesters going bananas. Everyones going nuts.
They have an oppressive president ruling over the common people. A US supported & financed oppressive president ruling there and it's been that way for decades. "The people" are pissed and they've had enough. Time for the uprising.
Time for the stones, bricks and Molotov cocktails. Time for the rebar fights and flag burning in the streets. All walks of life roaming into the street, angry with piss & vinegar running through their veins. You've seen this on TV before. You've seen the mayhem before. (Actually it doesn't matter what middle east country is in an uprising, you've seen the footage before.)
100% male. All dudes wearing their tribal pajamas, burlap robes, fake Levis & Puma gear, business suits. Business Suits? WTF?
Who the F wears a suit to a riot? Who rolls to a riot prepared to throw rocks and hurl flaming gas in a bottle wearing a suit? There can be only 2 reasons for showing up at a riot wearing a suit.
1) Mohamed works as a Cairo banker and decided on his smoke break that chucking a few bricks off an overpass was a good use of his time.
2) Mohamed's interview was at 8am, so kicking someone on the ground at 7:30 was a good way to get psyched up for his appt.
Actually, since no work is being done in Cairo, that meant Mohamed dressed this morning in a suit on his way to the riot. Who does that?
They say, they're always prepared for martyrdom. Perhaps being prepared to get shot by authorities, having a service and being buried all in one morning is part of the plan.
They have an oppressive president ruling over the common people. A US supported & financed oppressive president ruling there and it's been that way for decades. "The people" are pissed and they've had enough. Time for the uprising.
Time for the stones, bricks and Molotov cocktails. Time for the rebar fights and flag burning in the streets. All walks of life roaming into the street, angry with piss & vinegar running through their veins. You've seen this on TV before. You've seen the mayhem before. (Actually it doesn't matter what middle east country is in an uprising, you've seen the footage before.)
100% male. All dudes wearing their tribal pajamas, burlap robes, fake Levis & Puma gear, business suits. Business Suits? WTF?
Who the F wears a suit to a riot? Who rolls to a riot prepared to throw rocks and hurl flaming gas in a bottle wearing a suit? There can be only 2 reasons for showing up at a riot wearing a suit.
1) Mohamed works as a Cairo banker and decided on his smoke break that chucking a few bricks off an overpass was a good use of his time.
2) Mohamed's interview was at 8am, so kicking someone on the ground at 7:30 was a good way to get psyched up for his appt.
Actually, since no work is being done in Cairo, that meant Mohamed dressed this morning in a suit on his way to the riot. Who does that?
They say, they're always prepared for martyrdom. Perhaps being prepared to get shot by authorities, having a service and being buried all in one morning is part of the plan.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Thoughts of the Day
1) Gene Chizik is being heralded as the greatest coach in the world. He won coach of the year. I mean people are dangling from his hairy fuzz.
Why?
If gene chizik didn’t have Cam Newton, he wouldn’t have even won the SEC west. That is a one man team.
2) I'm straight up tired of hearing about the supremacy of the SEC. Granted they are, top to bottom, the strongest and they've been the most successful, but I’m just tired of hearing about it. I'm sick an tired of hearing this:
“Look at the power of the SEC. They have the last 4 BCS championships. We are the best."
On paper, that's right. However, nobody is talking about the fact that if USC didn’t lay their annual egg that left them out of the NC, the SEC would only have 1 (Alabama).
This isn’t an argument of who is the best conference and the Pac 10 is a 1 team conference, it’s an argument that all of those SEC teams would have gotten shut down like they were the Big East Champs against USC.
3) Democrats are pussies. That sherriff in AZ who wants to criticize talk radio and other republicans and put blame on their shoulders for inciting the violence that recently took place in Tuscon, needs to take a real hard look in the mirror. They need to look themselves in the face and realize that their democrat and liberal pals who create media would be just as culpable. Those money hungry, “I do want I want at the expense of society”, selfish people in Hollywood and other media would be just as guilty with the violence, sex, drugs and disrespect they carelessly promote with their tv shows, movies and music. You’ll never hear that from a democrat though, because they are hypocrates.
Why?
If gene chizik didn’t have Cam Newton, he wouldn’t have even won the SEC west. That is a one man team.
2) I'm straight up tired of hearing about the supremacy of the SEC. Granted they are, top to bottom, the strongest and they've been the most successful, but I’m just tired of hearing about it. I'm sick an tired of hearing this:
“Look at the power of the SEC. They have the last 4 BCS championships. We are the best."
On paper, that's right. However, nobody is talking about the fact that if USC didn’t lay their annual egg that left them out of the NC, the SEC would only have 1 (Alabama).
This isn’t an argument of who is the best conference and the Pac 10 is a 1 team conference, it’s an argument that all of those SEC teams would have gotten shut down like they were the Big East Champs against USC.
3) Democrats are pussies. That sherriff in AZ who wants to criticize talk radio and other republicans and put blame on their shoulders for inciting the violence that recently took place in Tuscon, needs to take a real hard look in the mirror. They need to look themselves in the face and realize that their democrat and liberal pals who create media would be just as culpable. Those money hungry, “I do want I want at the expense of society”, selfish people in Hollywood and other media would be just as guilty with the violence, sex, drugs and disrespect they carelessly promote with their tv shows, movies and music. You’ll never hear that from a democrat though, because they are hypocrates.
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