I read Dantes Inferno in an english class in college. Well, I kinda skimmed it......possibly the cliff notes even. I know I'd get a lot more out of it now-a-days and I would probably enjoy it. If I remember right, the main point of the book was the different stages of hell you would land in based on your particular sin. And you would relive that hell over and over for the end of time. Wow. Reliving something henouis for eternity almost makes me want to become a pries........well not that far, but you get the point.
I think about my own personal hell. I don't need to commit any sins to do it, but if I had to relive this over and over for eternity, than dammit, yes I would join the priesthood.
I'm severely hung over. SEVERELY.
I'm driving my wifes old Jeep Liberty where the sun visor keeps falling so I can't see.
I'm listening to mariachi music......and it's loud.
I'm on my way to ........(there's multiple places I hate to be)
And I'm driving 6 miles an hour because there's a pack of god damn bicyclers in my way.
Theres always a couple things that float in and out of my hell, but those 5 have been the staple for years now.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Bicyclers
How do I know its Saturday morning? There are 13,000 body shaven J-offs clogging our streets. I hate bicyclers. I would put an "I hate bicyclers" bumper sticker on my car if I didn't have a fear of getting my car keyed when I wasn't around.
What is it with these people? Whether they are in a pack of 100 or riding by themselves, they refuse to stay in the bike lane. They slolem in and out of the bike lane and do their best to trade paint with your front bumper as you pass them going 45.
They run red lights and stop signs. They ride in my lane, but can't go the speed limit. They all look like they got their asses kicked by a pack of Crayola Crayons. What is it with those stupid outfits they wear? It's like a prerequisit; in order to be a bicycler, you must wear neon tights. All the dudes look like they're smuggling grapes down their pants and all the females look like men.
I stand in line at Starbucks on a Saturday morning and if I close my eyes I feel like I'm at a tap dance recital from all those stupid little elf shoes click clacking around the floor.
My biggest gripe is their beliefs that they have equal share to the roads. They are a hazzard. Whether in a pack or by themselves, they are hazzards.
What is it with these people? Whether they are in a pack of 100 or riding by themselves, they refuse to stay in the bike lane. They slolem in and out of the bike lane and do their best to trade paint with your front bumper as you pass them going 45.
They run red lights and stop signs. They ride in my lane, but can't go the speed limit. They all look like they got their asses kicked by a pack of Crayola Crayons. What is it with those stupid outfits they wear? It's like a prerequisit; in order to be a bicycler, you must wear neon tights. All the dudes look like they're smuggling grapes down their pants and all the females look like men.
I stand in line at Starbucks on a Saturday morning and if I close my eyes I feel like I'm at a tap dance recital from all those stupid little elf shoes click clacking around the floor.
My biggest gripe is their beliefs that they have equal share to the roads. They are a hazzard. Whether in a pack or by themselves, they are hazzards.
Friday, January 25, 2008
100% pure stereotyping
I work in high end sales in the construction industry. I prefer to, and usually do, work with the trades in construction, ie. builders, developers and architects. However, I often have to get involved with the end user on occasion. The Owners....
Owners suck because business sense flies out the window and decisions are made based on emotion. I deal with all types of owner/customers. Good and bad. After more than enough experiences, transactions and dealings with people I have drawn some loose conclusions. Am I stereotyping? No, not really. Am I generalizing? Yeah, kinda. However, when I see a pattern of certain characteristics over and over and over with the same types of people, how can you not generalize? This isn't to say that ALL are like this, but if it's a pattern how can you argue me?
These are my findings in dealing with different people drawn upon race, ethnicity, religion....all that good stuff.
Mexicans, Spanish or other Hispanic origin: May be the best to work with. Easy going, polite and courteous. They don't break your balls on price. Never demanding. Easily accommodated.
Gay men: They will pay your price. However, be prepared to do things the way they want them done. Detail oriented, want and expect the best.
Japanese: Honorable. Instead of shopping around to get pricing from multiple companies and waste your time, they determine who they want to work with and then start to negotiate. Good businessmen who will work on getting the best deal from you. They stay fair.
White Peoples: Will get 8 bids on their project and go with the cheapest one regardless if you provide a better product or service than the other guy. Usually treat you well, but the real rich ones often think they're above you.
Jewish: Shrewed ass businessmen. Will drive you down on price to get the best deal for them. God forbid you make a mistake on their project. Will step on your throat until their problem is corrected. Afterwards will treat you like the son they never had.
Middle easterners: See Jewish. However, whether its your fault OR theirs, they will step on your throat and your mothers until it is corrected (and make you pay for it). They think everything is an F'ing garage sale. Drive you so far down in price it's not worth taking on the project. Set your ground zero price area and don't budge. Sometimes walking away from the job is better.
Black Peoples, Gay Women, Other Asian & Euros: Not enough experiences to make a statistical generalization. (and Canadians don't build, eh.)
The one thing they all have in common: Almost none of them are considerate of your time.
So there you have it. My generalizations based on month after month observations of the patterns of people.
Owners suck because business sense flies out the window and decisions are made based on emotion. I deal with all types of owner/customers. Good and bad. After more than enough experiences, transactions and dealings with people I have drawn some loose conclusions. Am I stereotyping? No, not really. Am I generalizing? Yeah, kinda. However, when I see a pattern of certain characteristics over and over and over with the same types of people, how can you not generalize? This isn't to say that ALL are like this, but if it's a pattern how can you argue me?
These are my findings in dealing with different people drawn upon race, ethnicity, religion....all that good stuff.
Mexicans, Spanish or other Hispanic origin: May be the best to work with. Easy going, polite and courteous. They don't break your balls on price. Never demanding. Easily accommodated.
Gay men: They will pay your price. However, be prepared to do things the way they want them done. Detail oriented, want and expect the best.
Japanese: Honorable. Instead of shopping around to get pricing from multiple companies and waste your time, they determine who they want to work with and then start to negotiate. Good businessmen who will work on getting the best deal from you. They stay fair.
White Peoples: Will get 8 bids on their project and go with the cheapest one regardless if you provide a better product or service than the other guy. Usually treat you well, but the real rich ones often think they're above you.
Jewish: Shrewed ass businessmen. Will drive you down on price to get the best deal for them. God forbid you make a mistake on their project. Will step on your throat until their problem is corrected. Afterwards will treat you like the son they never had.
Middle easterners: See Jewish. However, whether its your fault OR theirs, they will step on your throat and your mothers until it is corrected (and make you pay for it). They think everything is an F'ing garage sale. Drive you so far down in price it's not worth taking on the project. Set your ground zero price area and don't budge. Sometimes walking away from the job is better.
Black Peoples, Gay Women, Other Asian & Euros: Not enough experiences to make a statistical generalization. (and Canadians don't build, eh.)
The one thing they all have in common: Almost none of them are considerate of your time.
So there you have it. My generalizations based on month after month observations of the patterns of people.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
The Elevator Chronicles
You ever ponder the fact that some of the smallest insignificant pet peeves can completely dictate your day? I have a friend who has dedicated his life to study the habits of people in elevators and it drives him insane. I thought it was funny enough to have him lay it out for me.
"The things I hate that people do in elevators are:"
a) when the call button for an elevator has been pressed AND is lit up, yet other people still feel the need to press that button again as if I didn’t press it the right way or the elevator might come faster because it was pressed twice. One time I saw one dumbass miss the elevator and say “Oh no!” and he started pressing the button repeatedly as if the elevator was going to say “Oh we missed someone, lets go back down and pick him up.”
b) when someone is walking toward the elevator and it starts closing and they just stop instead of trying to reach in and stop it. EVERYONE knows elevators are made to open if you stick something between the doors for f sakes! Now this only bugs me when I am walking behind this person and they are walking too slow to the elevators and then realize “I better speed up now since the elevator is closing.” Walk like you have a damn purpose in life or move to the side and let people pass your slow ass! Happens to me all the time.
c) this is similar to exhibit “a” but this pisses me off when I’m inside the elevator--when I get into the elevator, press the button, someone follows me in and sees me press the button, and still feels the need to press it again even after they saw me press it AND it lit up. Also, when the button is pressed and lit, the elevator makes another stop, someone gets on the elevator and presses the lit button. I so want to say “Hey good thing you pressed the button because I wasn’t sure if we were going to get to that floor after I pressed it.”
d) when waiting for the elevator for an extended period of time (over a minute) and this elevator has stairs close by. Finally the elevator arrives, we get on the elevator, go up one floor, stop and the people I got onto the elevator with get off the elevator. That is when I want to yell out “Next time walk your fat-a$$es up one flight of stairs you lazy f’s!” I always used to take the stairs but now I have so much stuff with me for my work that I am forced to take the elevator and watch stupidity and laziness.
e) when Mr. Toughguy stops the elevator. I was standing in an elevator, it was closing, then this guy stops the doors closing by putting his body right between the elevator doors and stands perpendicular to the doors closing and takes both hands and pushes the doors open as if these doors require a large amount of power to push open when they are closing. Last time I checked, sticking my hand between elevator doors makes them open back up. I wanted to say to this guy “Wow, you kept the door open with your brute strength, that was amazing” but I would have been thinking “Its amazing your dumbass just didn’t stick your hand between the door like any normal human being…”
****
Hopefully more to come. And I think I have issues.
"The things I hate that people do in elevators are:"
a) when the call button for an elevator has been pressed AND is lit up, yet other people still feel the need to press that button again as if I didn’t press it the right way or the elevator might come faster because it was pressed twice. One time I saw one dumbass miss the elevator and say “Oh no!” and he started pressing the button repeatedly as if the elevator was going to say “Oh we missed someone, lets go back down and pick him up.”
b) when someone is walking toward the elevator and it starts closing and they just stop instead of trying to reach in and stop it. EVERYONE knows elevators are made to open if you stick something between the doors for f sakes! Now this only bugs me when I am walking behind this person and they are walking too slow to the elevators and then realize “I better speed up now since the elevator is closing.” Walk like you have a damn purpose in life or move to the side and let people pass your slow ass! Happens to me all the time.
c) this is similar to exhibit “a” but this pisses me off when I’m inside the elevator--when I get into the elevator, press the button, someone follows me in and sees me press the button, and still feels the need to press it again even after they saw me press it AND it lit up. Also, when the button is pressed and lit, the elevator makes another stop, someone gets on the elevator and presses the lit button. I so want to say “Hey good thing you pressed the button because I wasn’t sure if we were going to get to that floor after I pressed it.”
d) when waiting for the elevator for an extended period of time (over a minute) and this elevator has stairs close by. Finally the elevator arrives, we get on the elevator, go up one floor, stop and the people I got onto the elevator with get off the elevator. That is when I want to yell out “Next time walk your fat-a$$es up one flight of stairs you lazy f’s!” I always used to take the stairs but now I have so much stuff with me for my work that I am forced to take the elevator and watch stupidity and laziness.
e) when Mr. Toughguy stops the elevator. I was standing in an elevator, it was closing, then this guy stops the doors closing by putting his body right between the elevator doors and stands perpendicular to the doors closing and takes both hands and pushes the doors open as if these doors require a large amount of power to push open when they are closing. Last time I checked, sticking my hand between elevator doors makes them open back up. I wanted to say to this guy “Wow, you kept the door open with your brute strength, that was amazing” but I would have been thinking “Its amazing your dumbass just didn’t stick your hand between the door like any normal human being…”
****
Hopefully more to come. And I think I have issues.
The hypocrisy of free speech
I love it when defenders of the constitution and free speech go hypocritically haywire. I'm not a historian, but one could say that the Founding Fathers created "the right to free speech" as a way for people to voice their opinions about government without the fear of being strapped to the guillotine.
Since then it has completely morphed into, "say whatever the F you want", you're protected by our constitution. That happens when people continue to push the envelope further and further and lawyers, judges and the media permit it. Whatever..... I don't care.
The problem is that those same defenders of free speech only fight for the right when it serves their agenda. Apparently you can say whatever you like about our president, religion, individuals, corporations, pundits, etc. as long as it serves your agenda. If you dare say anything against "the agenda", it is considered Hate Mongering. And that is reserved for the White, Heterosexual, Christian male.
If you want examples, look no further than the witch hunt against conservative talk radio. Liberals tried to get it banned by saying that their speech was not free speech, it was Hate Mongering. With that failed attempted, the next avenue was to re-enact the fairness doctrine to silence their opposition. The fairness doctrine? What is this 4th grade recess? Life isn't fair. Business isn't fair. Don't be mad that conservative talk radio dominates the airwaves. Go produce a product that people will buy into and you can get your message delivered. Air America isn't getting it done. Who's fault is that?
Doesn't the Constitution give conservative radio hosts the right of free speech? Shouldn't we defend all kinds of free speech? The ACLU is making their careers out of it. Of course it always seems to support their agenda.
So therefore, someone please explain to me why there is a double standard. I just don't get it.
Since then it has completely morphed into, "say whatever the F you want", you're protected by our constitution. That happens when people continue to push the envelope further and further and lawyers, judges and the media permit it. Whatever..... I don't care.
The problem is that those same defenders of free speech only fight for the right when it serves their agenda. Apparently you can say whatever you like about our president, religion, individuals, corporations, pundits, etc. as long as it serves your agenda. If you dare say anything against "the agenda", it is considered Hate Mongering. And that is reserved for the White, Heterosexual, Christian male.
If you want examples, look no further than the witch hunt against conservative talk radio. Liberals tried to get it banned by saying that their speech was not free speech, it was Hate Mongering. With that failed attempted, the next avenue was to re-enact the fairness doctrine to silence their opposition. The fairness doctrine? What is this 4th grade recess? Life isn't fair. Business isn't fair. Don't be mad that conservative talk radio dominates the airwaves. Go produce a product that people will buy into and you can get your message delivered. Air America isn't getting it done. Who's fault is that?
Doesn't the Constitution give conservative radio hosts the right of free speech? Shouldn't we defend all kinds of free speech? The ACLU is making their careers out of it. Of course it always seems to support their agenda.
So therefore, someone please explain to me why there is a double standard. I just don't get it.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Other peoples babies make me suffer
I love kids. I love my kid, I love my friends kids. I think kids are great. I'd never be anti-family and I give all the props in the world to women who are on a 12 month + beatdown to carry then nurture that baby. I'm big into large families and having both mom and dad be around as much as they can. I'd rather mom be home all day, but sometimes they can't. I wish maternity leave was longer because it's crucial for mom and baby to have that bond. However:
Why do I get penalized for another woman's baby? A co-workers maternity leave can put my work/life balance completely off-balance and it'll also have an effect on my income. I hate to be honest, but if I was an employer I wouldn't hire a female of child bearing years no matter what. Why would I want to hire, train, rely and depend on this person for them to "go get pregnant" and leave me high and dry trying to run my business while they're out on leave? Then they have a free pass to come back.
I have an assistant who I depend upon heavily because I'm depended on, by my company, to produce an above average sales volume. Now that she's gone I'm left with a temp or myself to get this job done. It's ineffective, inefficient and my production suffers. If my production suffers, my paycheck suffers. Why should I get penalized for that? She gets paid while on maternity leave, but my paycheck suffers for trying to do the same job?
I can see why women weren't in the workplace decades ago. Of course they can do the jobs that men can do, but you can't rely on them if they are in-and-out of work trying to have kids. That's not fair to companies or co-workers.
I don't have a solution nor would I make a stink to change the rules. It is what it is and I'll just deal with it, but if you think about it it isn't very fair.
Why do I get penalized for another woman's baby? A co-workers maternity leave can put my work/life balance completely off-balance and it'll also have an effect on my income. I hate to be honest, but if I was an employer I wouldn't hire a female of child bearing years no matter what. Why would I want to hire, train, rely and depend on this person for them to "go get pregnant" and leave me high and dry trying to run my business while they're out on leave? Then they have a free pass to come back.
I have an assistant who I depend upon heavily because I'm depended on, by my company, to produce an above average sales volume. Now that she's gone I'm left with a temp or myself to get this job done. It's ineffective, inefficient and my production suffers. If my production suffers, my paycheck suffers. Why should I get penalized for that? She gets paid while on maternity leave, but my paycheck suffers for trying to do the same job?
I can see why women weren't in the workplace decades ago. Of course they can do the jobs that men can do, but you can't rely on them if they are in-and-out of work trying to have kids. That's not fair to companies or co-workers.
I don't have a solution nor would I make a stink to change the rules. It is what it is and I'll just deal with it, but if you think about it it isn't very fair.
Ladanian Tomlinson
Deion Sanders can pour diesel on his head and light a match. I am bamboozalled at how he has the nerve to call out LT for "not being tough enough" to play in last Sundays loss to the Patriots. Getting called out from a guy who shyed away from contact like it was the plague. Deion said that big time players need to play in big time games regardless of injury. He of all people should know how it is trying to play a position where your quickness and speed are of the utmost necessity. (Rivers, however went into the playoffs looking like a mule and came out smelling like a rose since he played hurt. Unlike a running back, Rivers doesn't need to be mobile. He's not when he's healthy, so it didn't really matter that he no longer had an ACL.)
LT is one of the hardest workers in the NFL and he's also one of the most passionate. To criticize LT for not playing is ignorant. Those with passion stop at nothing to achieve their goals. I don't believe for 1 second he wimped out last Sunday. As an athlete, you know when you can go and when you can't and when you can be productive and contribute, and when you can't. LT couldn't go. I believe him.
The only thing he may be guilty of is sitting on the bench appearing to sulk. Who knows if he was, maybe he was just REALLY cold and couldn't get off the heater. Either way, nobody should call into question his desire to help his team. If I worked my ass off to get to the biggest game of my career and then came up lame, I wouldn't have even sat on the heater like he did. I would have held my breath till I turned blue and sat in the locker room all game.
Deion. Deion Sanders of all people calling him out. Maybe if it was Jack Youngblood, but it wasn't. What a stain.
LT is one of the hardest workers in the NFL and he's also one of the most passionate. To criticize LT for not playing is ignorant. Those with passion stop at nothing to achieve their goals. I don't believe for 1 second he wimped out last Sunday. As an athlete, you know when you can go and when you can't and when you can be productive and contribute, and when you can't. LT couldn't go. I believe him.
The only thing he may be guilty of is sitting on the bench appearing to sulk. Who knows if he was, maybe he was just REALLY cold and couldn't get off the heater. Either way, nobody should call into question his desire to help his team. If I worked my ass off to get to the biggest game of my career and then came up lame, I wouldn't have even sat on the heater like he did. I would have held my breath till I turned blue and sat in the locker room all game.
Deion. Deion Sanders of all people calling him out. Maybe if it was Jack Youngblood, but it wasn't. What a stain.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Watch where you're walking
I peed on my kids head today. I'm not sure what I think about that. At the time, and even at the moment I guess, I still think it's real funny. Of course it was an accident. I mean, he wasn't over there playing with his trucks and daddy decided to water him down. I had stepped into the bathroom downstairs to take a wiz before I left for work and kinda left the door open. I knew he was standing behind me and he usually likes to see whats going on so I kinda spread my legs apart real far to block his path towards the toilet. Low and behold, he comes charging underneath my legs through the tunnel I've created. He hovered right below my pals, while I danced and jockied around like my feet were on fire to get out of his way. DIRECT HIT! Lucky for me I was on my way out the door. I had to signal for the closer to come in and take care of business so I could leave. Wives are good for all kinds of stuff.
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