Question of the Day

Why do all grocery stores hide their restrooms?

It's like trying to find a clock or the cash-out counter in a casino.

Every time I enter grocery stores with the sole intent of using their facilities in an emergency, I can't F'ing find it.

If you ever want to know who's main purpose for being in a grocery store is "NOT, to buy food", look for the dude with a frown, pacing around the store like he has bamboo shoved up his ass. It's because he can't find the god damn bathrooms. The bathrooms are hidden in obscure areas like where you'd buy flowers. Guys don't go there.

To make things worse, trying to find the bathroom in a grocery store is similar to driving to an unknown location without a map. We'd rather navigate by the stars than stop to ask someone for directions. We'll hit every square foot of that store to find the crapper before we ask.

The Gym

Just like peanut butter & jelly and strippers & glitter, some things I see at the gym go hand in hand. When I see one, I'll see the other.

Guy with cell phone.......................and a jug of water.
Guy with weight belt.....................and his own bottle of ripped fuel.
Guy with gloves.............................and matching workout "outfit" with combed hair.
Guy with wife beater.........................and a beanie. (Which is it dude? You hot or cold?)
Full length mirror......................and a guy shadow boxing himself in between sets of curls.
Guy with ipod........................and neoprene Ultimate Warrior ipod holster strapped to the bicept. (The bigger one of course)

A place where men once went to repent and serve god, the gym has completely morphed into a safe haven for dickheads.

I love working out by myself, but my own silence forces me to ease into hearing other peoples conversations.
This is how some conversations go down. (the following exchange was between apparent gym aquaintances)

"Hey bro" (they never know each others names, so its bro)
"Hey bud" (the reciprocation)
"Haven't seen you in here in a while, what's been going on?"
"Ah, you know just taking some time off. Man, you're guns are looking huge."
"Yeah, really? I've been training them pretty hard."

Seriously? Dude.........Seriously??
That is the 2nd reason why I don't talk to people in the gym. I don't want anyone telling me that my calves are lookin' tight!

Facebook Abuse: 1

Facebook abusers come in various forms.
Note to the Serial Status updater ................I don't understand you!

It's Friday night and THAT guy who feels compelled to update their status ever half hour drops:
"Hey all my FB friends, .........TGIF guys, have a fantastic weekend."

Isn't that.......or better yet shouldn't that be a sign off until sometime on Monday? In other words, "ya'll won't hear from me for a couple days, have a good one." ?

We all know that as soon as you tell us to have a great weekend, you're gonna be updating the girth of the crap you take 8 minutes later. Give it a rest you narcissist.

Facebook abuse gives Facebook a bad name for those of us simply trolling the network looking for a glimpse or two of the ho's we ran through 10 years earlier.

Afghanistan

Just like the Russians did in the 80's........we need to bounce up out that sandbox. Kind of.

Let's get our military our of there and stop acting like we're trying to occupy and stabilize that cesspool of lunacy. What are we trying to do? Create a democracy in a corrupt country that doesn't want it and who doesn't like us no matter what we do? Let's get the F out. However....

Let's remind them that we're always around. Kind of linger and appear like a cold sore out of the blue. Special opps and big ass bombs are enough to remind them that we can F them up at will.

You can't win a conventional war with guerrillas. You can't win a war against a enemy that has no boundaries. You can't win a war against an ideology held by complete uneducated house rats. How do you fight against or rationalize or wage diplomacy against individuals willing to strap TNT to their nuts and blow themselves up? People so blind in faith that believe they'll score 72 skanky, hairy dust mites in heaven by becoming a martyr.

We will lose this war because we no longer have the testicular fortitude that our grandparents had to push our chips forward and say "ALL IN!" As inhumane, gnarly and unpopular as it may have been our grandparents knew to exterminate your enemy and get ghetto or don't get involved.

And right now we don't want to be involved.

ACORN

Association of Community Organizers for Reform Now. Anarchists and con artists hell bent on advancing a socialist agenda.

This group has been exposed. Let's figure out and what we know about ACORN and wrap it up with the most important part of all.

• Forget the fact about multiple accounts of voter registration fraud.
• Forget the fact that ACORN is a partisan organization who uses taxpayer money to advance the careers and agendas of Democrats.
• Forget the fact that through ACORNs massive tentacles, they funnel and launder money through other various organizations throughout the country.
• Forget the fact that ACORN was the cover story in every media outlet during the last presidential election, therefore relevant, however NO media outlet admits they exist now except FOX.
• Forget the fact that The Chrysler had significant ties with ACORN for years and years.
  Forget the fact that The Chrysler still has ties to high ranking officials within the ACORN organization.
• Forget the fact that The Chrysler denies any part of that.
• Forget the fact that most recently 5 or so undercover videos confirmed ACORN was offering tax and other financial advise on how to run prostitution rings and rings with under aged girls smuggled in from Mexico.
• Forget all of that.

The part that is most important, most critical to all of this is nothing mentioned above. The thing that is most pivotal and that everyone should be focusing on is the hooker in those undercover videos. Dude, that chick was kinda hot.

Thought of the Day

Never keep money in your wallet, keep it in your sock.

Therefore, when a bum comes up to you begging for money you can pull out your wallet, show it to him and say:

"Sorry yo! I'm broke like you."

Then you don't have to feel bad that you just didn't want to give him a buck for his 40 of Bud Ice.

Things I Hate

I can't stand it when you are standing in line........the back of the line mind you.......waiting for your turn to get to the counter and order your food.

We're standing there as it is, nuts to butts,.....in a loud raucous dining establishment and the food person feels the need to take your order while you're 10 yards deep.

I don't like to yell, I don't like to talk loudly. I don't like to talk period when I don't know you. But you feel the need to yell to me 10 yards deep in line what would I like to order. So instead of ignoring her, I tell her BURRITO!

While preparing, she continues to yell to me over the heads of 15 people. Well, F her, I whispered.

Her: "WOULD YOU LIKE CHEESE ON THAT?"
Me: "I'd like extra cheese on that"

Her: "WOULD YOU LIKE CHEESE ON THAT?"
Me: "I'd like extra cheese on that"

Her: "WOULD YOU LIKE CHEESE ON THAT?"
Me: "I'd like extra cheese on that"

By that time, she became a lip reader as did I when I read "asshole".

What is the necessity to shuffle us through like cows to a slaughter as fast as possible with people yelling every which way like a day trader at the stock exchange?

Just unnecessary.

Teaching your Kindergardner how to pull Root?

The moral fabricators of the civilized nations are at it again. The United Nations are advocating the teaching of 5 year olds about masturbation.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,543203,00.html

WTF? I happen to know some 5 years olds and it's not going to improve my day when one of them tries to tell me about how earlier in the day he was punching clown to the Disney Channel. WTF? Why is this necessary?

The United Nations, who is basically no different than a US govn't organization, but worse and more useless somehow thinks that a 5 year old is mature enough and intelligent enough to inform them on sex relationships, sexual violence, HIV education and of course thumping the dumb-guy.

These kids don't need to find pleasure in wacking off, they need to find pleasure in their GI Joes with the Kung Foo grip.

Is it that I simply don't think that it's appropriate for a 5 year old who still has the mind of a cantaloupe to try to comprehend these things?

Or perhaps I'm just jealous? Maybe I'm just pissed that I didn't learn about my shiny Kojak Doll until much later in life.

The most unfair thing on earth....

Besides herpes.

The Oklahoma Drill.

For all you homos out there who've never strapped it on, the Oklahoma drill is a football drill typically done on the 1st day or two of full pads after reporting to football camp. This offensive , satanist, cowardly drill has been implemented for decades. Whether it be Pop Warner, High School, College or Pro, everyone knows the Oklahoma Drill.

And everyone knows it was invented by an offensive dick, who needed to give his homo's a boost of confidence as they are naturally a bunch of pussy's.

Out of 11 offensive players on the field, you typically have 9 gays. These gays need morale boosters during their first days in camp after a long summer of conditioning/training via bicycling around main streets on Saturday mornings in their singlets with shaved arms.

Back to the Oklahoma Drill. Let me set the stage. Between 2 cones spaced about 3 feet apart, you have a large offensive fat man in a 3 pt stance and you reside 5 yards across from him. On the 1st sound it is mandatory to sprint those 5 yards towards each other and collide recreating Sonny Bono into a tree. While this is happening, there is a ball carrier that is behind the large offensive fat man that is charging behind him.

You are isolated on an island to try to stop them. In front of your team, your friends, your coaches. Even if you destroy your fat person, you usually have an angry black man running full speed at you to blast you off balance.

99% of the time, the cheaters win.
99% of the time, the cheaters whoop and holler and call you a bitch.

Like they did something.
Keep your head on a swivel fatboy.

Thought of the Day

Soap.

I believe is a conspiracy.

The makers of soap have long told us that their products are de-greasers and de-grimers and removes the sludge and bacteria from our skin. What if water simply does that naturally, yet your skin just naturally stinks?

What if it was nothing more than a odor masking agent? Just like deodorant. All soap companies probably make deodorant, so now they got us buying two items that only masks our funk until it wears off.

When you shower with soap, you are wiping on a fresh scenting "deodorant". Then you apply a brand of deodorant, made by the same people as the soap. Then when your soap sent wears off, you are now relying on the power of your speed stick until your next shower.

Could it be that humans just f'ing stink at all times (similar to Euro's) and the only way to not stink is to continually apply chemicals to our bodies?

The Healthcare Debate

Don't get me wrong, I'm ok with reforming health care because I think it's too expensive, but I don't think that socializing medical care takes care of that issue.

I still believe the best medical care on Earth exists in this country. We have more safety nets and programs for people without medical care than any place on Earth. More people are covered, by far, than not covered with some sort of health benefit plan.

Proponents complain that there needs to be more competition in the marketplace, thus a public option needs to be thrown in the mix. Really? How about allowing all 1300 something insurance companies to compete in every market and state in the country? Currently they can't and that limits competition.

Proponent claim that places like Canada, Switzerland & the UK have superior systems for free. Well great, but they aren't trying to support the costs associated with a population of 300 million and unknown millions here illegally who will also receive benefits. And talk to me about the success rates in those countries for treating cancer & other illnesses vs what we have here.

The Chrysler once said, "Don't be afraid of this, it's a good thing. If we were afraid of outer space, we would have never gotten to the moon."

Well that's great, but NASA didn't go from conception to planting flags on the moon in 6 months.

I know we can use reform, that is a given, but don't jamb Chrysler Care down our throats in 6 months when nobody can explain what the hell it is, including the Chrysler himself.

Question of the Day

Isn't the whole point behind exercising to push your body to the maximum? To exert yourself to burn calories, build muscle, get your heart racing, sweat your fat out.......etc?

When I go to the gym, I see people scantily clothed on the treadmill or the exercise bike or in the jazzersize room. Just tiny shorts and tank tops.

When I'm at the beach, I see swimmers 100 yards off swimming up and down the beach wearing nothing but speedos.

On Saturday mornings when I try to run over bicyclers, I see them in skin tight leotards breaking the wind with aerodynamics.

I don't get all this. If it's exercise, shouldn't you be making it harder on yourself. Shouldn't we see people at the gym wrapped in sweats and a Glad Bag? Shouldn't swimmers have jeans on with a bag of sand taped to their back? Shouldn't bicyclers wear skydiving suits?

Why make it easy? Just a thought.

The Hypocrisy Continues.....

And they're at it again.

The Sultans' of sit-in's. The Inventors of interruptions. The Prince of Protests.

Yes, the liberals are at it again. They are now widely denouncing the formal, informal, organized or unorganized gatherings of people demonstrating against healthcare.

Historically, conservatives don't protest. With the exception of anti-abortion lunatics, they basically keep to themselves with a low profile. Apparently, no longer and the lefties don't like what their own medicine is tasting like.

It started with the tea parties and currently has become about the healthcare debate.

How dare these people dissent upon what The Chrysler and his fleet of hoopties are trying to jam down the peoples throat. How dare these people "organize" demonstrations and tactics to voice their genuine anger. Wasn't it their own Hilary Clinton who once shrieked that she was tired of hearing that if they disagree and dissent upon the current administration it was un American?

Isn't that what the the left has been doing for the past 40 years? Organized dissent on basically ANYTHING they find themselves in the minority about? Kicking and screaming until they got what they want?

Welcome to the party hypocrites.

North Korea

Today they launched what was believed to be a test of a long range missile. We're up in arms as is the rest of the UN.

Why?

Why do we care? Let all the other ingrates on this planet worry about what a small pocket of lunatics decide to do.

US critics worry that N. Korea will develope a rocket able to hit, Hawaii, Alaska & possibly the western United States.

Again, why are we worried?

If N. Korea launched an unprovoked attack, that 8x11 piece of dirt would become a parking lot within 3 hours. They are not stupid enough to insite a suicide mission for nothing. There's nothing to gain.

Why can't we tell them to F off, do what you want and let the rest of the world worry about policing them?

My 2.

Thought of the Day

The G-20 summit in London today was met by a bunch of angry protesters. Protesters rule!

During their lunch break from their jobs as coffee specialists, these kind and constructive folks took to the street to protest world leaders. A GLG-20 from each country was in attendance.

The protesters consisted of anti-war, anti capitalism & save the environmental zealots. Well typically this creed is one in the same. So anyway these "save our planet global warming ELFS protested by:

Burning plastic, rubber & metals in the streets of London releasing toxic gases into our atmosphere.

F'ing brilliant. Donkeys.

AIG Bonus Payback

I too was outraged that high level, mid level, low level exec's and the IT guy at AIG were getting bonuses. Bonuses from taxpayer money. I heard the arguments they were throwing out there.

"We need to retain these high level employees or they'll go elsewhere."
"It's in the contract that we must pay their bonuses."
"I wasn't the crook in charge, why is my bonus being called into question?"

When was it common practice to receive a bonus for failing at your job? When did you realize your employees suck and you might not want to retain them? What lunatic drafted a contract that states "We as a company will pay bonus money, even if we report $50 billion dollars in losses."


I too was outraged.

But then I got to thinking. If these crooks, incompetents, greedy, angry white men got to keep their bonuses, they might just go and spend some of that money. They might buy that new SUV, remodel their kitchen and keep eating out 5 nights a week. In turn putting money in the pockets of that greasy car salesman, the contractor & the waitress making $5.15 an hr.

I got to thinking that tax money would be better spent than putting it back in the hands of that Sleestak Pelosi. That would be better than her spending $50 billion saving the mountain rat in Lousiana.

The Hypocrisy Continues.....

I've been thinking a lot about protesters. They're everywhere regarding everything. Anytime an issue doesn't agree with their agenda, there is a protest. Look at who is behind 9 out of 10 protests. Who are they? If you draw a political line, who are the protesters? 9 out of 10 protesters are liberals and democrats. I challenge you to show me differently.

Why I've been thinking about protesters is because I'm sick and tired of hearing and reading how "Intolerant" the angry white conservative is. They hate. They're bigots. They don't like the poor. They're mean. They don't care. And they are the INTOLERANT party and intolerant people.

Really? How would you know if conservatives are intolerant? Are you basing that claim by the overwhelming protests they hold whenever something happens they don't agree with?

It sounds to me that anytime you protest, you are the one being intolerant. Intolerant of the opinion of the other side. Does their opinion & belief not matter? Can't you be tolerant of their ideology?

The liberal democrat prides itself on being the party and the people of tolerance.................if and only if the issue follows their agenda.

TV

Someone mentioned to me in brief that something needs to be done.........something needs to be said about some of the stupidity and crappiness on TV. Crap like The Bachelor, Jon & Kate plus 8, etc.

I'm assuming, said person, can no longer deal with the nonsense and the ass wipes who enjoy their 15 minutes of fame. The stupidity and the mental decay of our society being sucked into Reality Hell. Agreed on both points.

However. That shit should disappear?

I disagree.

The more reality shows put on tv, the less we have to see Hollywood dumb asses. The more "Real Housewife's", "Big Brother", "Wife Swap", "Room Raiders", "Date my Mom", and "Rock of Love" there is on tv...........................

The less I'm going to see Hollywood's pompous, arrogant, morally bankrupt, scumbag, overpriviledged ignorant asses on weak ass tv shows. The less achievement award shows I'm going to see with awardie's awarding each other meaningless awards in honor of one another. The only honor they deserve is a good ole fashion middle east honor killing.

I'm ok with some losers 15 minutes of fame on "I want to Marry a Hermaphrosexual Millionaire". They don't stick around. It's basically a revolving door of douche bags.

The Power Of Alcohol

I usually do not fully grasp the power of inebriation, because typically I'm the inebriated. But alcohol when used correctly, is a powerful drug.

I happen to be a snowflake in a coalmine at one of the last football games I attended. Old school friends and family that I haven't in a long time.

In front of us were the drunks. The blonde chick, 3 bottles of Boones deep, in front of me turns around and says, "you're children are adorable"

I look at her. Then look to my left, then to my right. I see 5 black children hopping around in their seats.

"You talking to me?"
"umm yeah."
"Those kids?" "Are you retarded?"

Granted they were handsome kids, so I'll take the compliment, but come on dude. Seriously? I'm the only honkey in our section and she turns to me to compliment my black friends kids?

She was trippin', but I knew it was alcohol. Had she been on weed she would never have turned around since it would have interferred with her trying to count all 35,000 people at the game.
Had she been on acid or shrooms, she wouldn't have made it past the 1st quarter.

The power of alcohol.