Something I love

Since the dawn of man, there have been things that just go together well. Peanut Butter & Jelly, Bacon & Eggs, Steak & Beer, Tits & Ass. Carne Asada & French Fries.

The California Burrito is the best god damn thing on this continent. If I was Greece, I'd be filing a lawsuit against the Mexicans for stealing their idea.

Wrapping carne asada, cheese & fries together is magic. Fries are the key ingredient. Not potatoes. This is not the Burrito Au Gratin. Keep that crap out of my mortar shell.

They key to finding a quality California Burrito is to find a taco shop that you would not want your kids to eat in for fear of Tuberculosis. $3.85 later, it's all good.

A sinful world we live in

Because Carls readers are so incredibly diverse it makes sense to drop random surveys on the site. Political, Sports related and Culture so far. This allows Carl to make observations, think & ponder and then spit.

In short, a quick observation on the latest culture survey is that you all are a bunch of drug using perverts. And those who didn't respond were either too high to notice the survey or couldn't get off the site fast enough to google some ho gargling big hairy nuts.

Either way, that rules.

It's a me first World

I have been fortunate enough to travel across our great country and been exposed to people from all walks of life.

Last week I found myself in DFW on standy for an earlier flight. This flight had a young lady whom fate had put in a wheel chair. She could not walk to her seat and the airline had decided 7B would be the best seat for her as it had some additional legroom. They informed the guy in 7B, (a sack of skin with poofy thinning hair and "cool" eye glasses ) that they would put him in an aisle seat a few rows back.

This asshole proceeded to erupt.........I stood in shock. Let me get this straight, he was not willing to sacrifice 15 cm of leg room for someone who can't walk? Really? He was shouting that he was only moving in exchange for a first class seat and that he needed other compensation from the airline.

The gate agent then made an announcement asking for anyone in row 7 to give up their seat for this young lady. The asshole then starts shouting, asking why they are "victimizing" him. Really...victimizing? For asking other people to step up and do the right thing because he wouldn't??

At this point I informed the man that he should shut his mouth... I also informed him that he was getting what he wanted since someone else gladly gave up their seat. Fucking amazing...!

The flight wound up departing 45 minutes late since they couldn't board on time as a result of all this.

So here is my thing...how fucking selfish do you have to be to think your little bit of leg room is more important than providing access to someone who is handicapped? I am far from perfect, I haven't always held that door, meant it when I said thank you, or kept a rude comment to myself...but in general I think I am pretty decent. When everyone aboard a McDonnell Douglass Super80 thinks you are an asshole...chances are you are a fucking asshole.

****
Inconsiderates. Had I been a steward on that flight, I would have urninated in his spritzer & rubbed his pretzles on my ball sack. Guarrantee you this man will pass the Frisbee test.
Nice work

Strength through Peace??

What a dumb ass thought. Well intentioned and hopeful I'm sure, but another sorry attempt at a flawed philosophy.

This was a bumper sticker I saw on a Hybrid today.

Ronald Reagan, 20 some years ago, came up with the one of the most profound phrases of our generation. Peace through Strength.

Let's analyse this for a second. Peace through Strength. I interpret this as if I'm the baddest MF'er on the block (Strength), who really wants a piece of this? Therefore (Peace.)

Let's face it, no matter how nice you are, now matter how many good deeds you do (Peace), there is someone out there who won't like you. Whether it be the way you lead your life, your beliefs, or what you have. And someday, sometime, someone will challenge you to change or to take it.

If Mr. Mean sees two people on a street corner, Mr Peace and Mr Strength, who is the mark? The weak or the strong.

What strength do you achieve by peace? Yippee........ maybe a nice majority will like you, but there's still the lunatic who doesn't and you're weak ass will be primed for raping.

The last time I checked we don't live in Fantasy land.

I'd rather be Jewish

Ever since I learned that Santa Claus wasn't real, it's been downhill. That made the 11th grade a very depressing year.

Christmas has become a drag. If it wasn't for my 2 1/2 year old who is just getting into this fat dude in a red suit stuff, I'd convert to Judaism and just throw up a Menorah.

In order to just get my tree up, I must rearrange no less then 14 pieces of furniture. In order to set the household decorations, I must transfer 126 regular nicknack's into my bedroom. When I wake up in the morning and look at all the junk in there, I'm prepared to roll over and see Red Foxx from Sanford & Son lying next to me.

I electrocuted myself up to my armpit hanging the outside lights because I touched exposed wires that were sticking out of a broken bulb. (note to self, dont have them plugged in while stapling them to the roof while on a ladder)

You spend 20 days preparing for 1 day of delight.

Sandler may have been right. Instead of 1 day of presents they get 8 crazy nights.

And he doesn't need to call a moving company to get his Menorah into the front window.

Supercuts

I am a creature of habit. I know what works and what doesn't. I don't stray too far off the beaten path because I do not like the unknown. When I go to a familiar restaurant, I'll eat the same thing over and over because I know what I'm getting and I will leave there happy. I buy the same kind of car over and over because I know what I'm getting and won't be disappointed. I get my hair cut by the same girl because I know what I'm getting and I won't leave the shop with a perm I didn't ask for.

Could you only imagine the dismay on my face when I roll to Supercuts to find my girl tied up for 2 1/2 hours? 2 1/2 hours because she is doing some kind of gay frosty highlights on some guy. Some guy who isn't a year under 50.

This asswipe has my girl tied up so he can look like Mark McGrath. This dude had some kind of shower cap on, but it looked more like a tightly applied medical helmet that only wrapped the sides of his head. The top of the scull was bare and open. It looked as though he was being prepped for a lobotomy.

I wanted to walk over with a soup ladle, pull his scull up and dig in for some warm chili.

My routine, has been altered. Do you remember what Rainman looked like while he walked outside that ladys house because he was late for his date with the Peoples Court? Could you see Carl pacing back and forth in the lobby of Supercuts saying......"oh no.....oh no.......yeeaahh, this definately isn't good.....yeeeaahhh definately not good."

The Apocalypse was upon me.

Things I Hate: 8

One thing I have noticed about life on the left coast is the people. They are health conscious and better looking, however pretty shallow, shelfish, and self-aborbed.

Case and point…the knob that tries to get past you in the store aisle and says "Excuse you!" Hmmm…lets think about this for a second. If you are trying to get past me…odds are I was there first. If you look at the primal order of things, this would mean I have more right to that space then you do. I'm like Magellan and I found this mother! Thus, you should go with "Excuse me".

Since you are inconveniencing me, and asking me to stop sifting through Puma gear to allow you to pass…..........you my friend are in need of being excused in this case.

Perhaps the next time some slap says "Excuse you" while trying to pass me I will chuck him into the clothes rack, thump my chest and shout "NONE SHALL PASS!!!"

In general I think we face an overall degradation of manners in our society, I think this movement started in Cali. I think Mr. & Mrs 'cuse you maybe the same person who flicks their cigarette butt out the window while sporting their "Go Green" bumper sticker on their hybrid. They take 29 items into the 15 items or less line at the market, and spends $551 dollars on their outfit so they can look retro. Oh yah..most likely they talk on their cell phone at the gym too.

NICE AJ...

Protesters

Protesters are like 2 year old's. They kick and scream and yell until they get what they want. It seems as though there is a protest against everything. They're always marching down Main Street in the middle of the day.

And while there is a time, place and reason for protesting, not all are good and productive.

My first thought is.........don't you people have jobs? Why not assemble prior to 8am or after 5pm? Is it that you are you still shaking that dank hangover off and can't peel yourself out of your hammock, or are you busy manning up in front of Whole Foods every evening speaking hippie with the employees.

When our 2 year old's kick, scream and throw tantrums because they want to play with scissors, we ignore them until they stop. Giving in just reinforces them to do it again and again until they get what they want.

Just like society does with protesters.

The Natural Progression?

Everything is cyclical. Economics, nature, people, ......governments?

“A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves money from the public treasure. From that moment on the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most money from the public treasury, with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy followed by a dictatorship.
The average age of the world’s great civilizations has been two hundred years. These nations have progressed through the following sequence: from bondage to spiritual faith, from spiritual faith to great courage, from courage to liberty, from liberty to abundance, from abundance to selfishness, from selfishness to complacency from complacency to apathy, from apathy to dependency, from dependency back to bondage.”

Interesting.

My Visit to the Voting Booth

I wasn't really sure where I was supposed to report, so I just followed the signs that said "Voting Booth", .............in 5 languages.

When I found it and made my way inside I got to over hear 2 communists having a conversation about the pitiful performance and low approval ratings of the current administration. Granted, however Stalin & Gorbachev failed to mention the abysmal ratings their own pinko controlled congress. How convenient. I came close to offering my opinion, but changed my mind.

I also remembered that it wasn't necessary to show my ID to get my ballot, even though I was prepared to do so.

Soooooo, we offer voting assistance to every language that could swing a vote. And you don't need to be who you say you are to cast a ballot.

If you are too lazy, ignorant or incompetent not to have some type of state issued ID, you do not deserve a vote. Does someone living here for 20 years who can't (refuses) to speak english or has been here for 2 months, and can't speak english, earn the right to dictate how our country is run?

Only in America

Montgomery Brewster was a good pick. I wonder if the Geriatric collecting my ballot will have any idea who the hell that is.

Thought of the Day

This non daylight savings thing sucks. Unless you're a vampire or a burglar, why would you want the sun to go down at 3:15pm? What advantage in life do we gain from driving home from work in the dark or watching tv at 7:30, but you could have swore it was midnight?

When the sun goes down earlier aren't we now using more energy for light & heat? Doesn't this go against all priciples of combating Global Warming and energy usage?

Person I Hate

Richard Reid. Also known as The Shoe Bomber.

Do you remember when airport security was still somewhat normal? Even after 9/11? I mean, we didn't have to strip down anything that wouldn't trip the metal detectors. After all, the only thing the TSA people were looking for were standard issue weapons. Guns, Knives, Box Cutters, Hand Grenades, RPG's etc.

Now they have to be on the lookout for F'ing Shoe Bombs. WTF? The whole process of traveling has changed. And because racial profiling makes people cry, old people and infants who are both currently crapping in their pants as they go through security get a good ole Mexican Federali shakedown.

Over the weekend I saw a 1 year old get stripped of her tiny plastic & rubber shoes to get scanned. Come on, lets use some common sense. How F'ing stupid is that? I mean, there is more plastic & rubber mass in the elastic waistband of my god damn underware than there are in those shoes.

Whats next? Are we going to have to roll through the metal detectors donned in "The Worst Look Ever" so I can send my skibbies through the X-Ray machine?

If thats the case, I'm moving to Vegas and going to work the TSA Sunday morning shift to shakedown all the ho's on their way home from their weekend employment.

Things I Hate: 7

This is so long overdue. Right next to me being able to hear you chew your food, this is up there with some of the all time pet peeves.

Talking on the Cell Phones at the Gym: A contribution by AJ.

"""Cell phones are great, they cause brain cancer, car accidents and let us booty call sharks at 2AM. However, along with this miracle of modern mankind comes some negatives...

Take for example the waste of skin at the gym who blabs away on the bike going just over 11 RPMs, the treadmill going .03 MPH or the guy in the muscle shirt with one hand on the Blackberry and the other on the curl bar.

Now I am sure their are some great reasons to be on the phone at the gym.
You're a doctor on call for emergencies.
You're wife is 8months, 3 weeks and 6 days pregnant and baby be coming any minute.
Ted Striker is on the other end and you are talking him through landing a 747 into Chicago.
Regis called and you need to help your friend decide if the Congo is longer and the Nile for 1 Million bucks.
Or maybe you're such a tool that you need other people to notice you and think you're so important you're taking calls at the gym.

Maybe you should just shut your hole and break a sweat...Hey Alexander G. Bell, if you can carry a conversation you aren't pushing yourself hard enough..."""

-Man, leave that shit in the car for 40 minutes. You're not going to die without it.
I recently (name to remain anonymous) received a text making fun of the no sleeved dude, utilizing his cell phone while getting swoll, at the gym. My response?: "aren't you in the gym also using your cell phone?"

Ted Striker: All time drop!

Facebook

Facebook is interesting every once in a while for a couple minutes............and then it turns gay again.

Facebook is nothing more than a way to become an electronic pack rat. However, it's not physical and useless crap that you're hoarding, now you're just stockpiling...."friends".

When you're a pack rat you collect pieces of shit. Shit like a clay figurine mice dressed as a Nazi soldiers. And for a day or two it gives you some kind of euphoric boost.

"Dang, these are cool. I have to keep them forever."

But after a day or two you forget about them, never look at them and could care less if you ever see them again. However, you keep the Third Reich because you are a pack rat.


Facebook allows you to electronically collect shit (ie friends). Friends who you haven't heard from, haven't seen or even heard about in 15 years suddenly pop up in your inbox requesting to be "friends."

Wow.........the euphoric boost! "Hey man....how are you? Haven't seen you in half my lifetime, but what are you up to?"


And that conversation might go back and forth a couple times. But then like the Nazi Mice, they just disappear into your collection of crap never to be heard from again.

Telemarketers

They always seem to hit at the same time. Dinner time. Any coincidence? No, because we're all at home.
Despite what some would think, I actually try to be courteous to these people until it's time not to be. As gross and as frustrating their job is I understand that they are working and trying to earn a paycheck. I feel that is better & more honorable then receiving a paycheck from The Chrysler. I just try my best not to spend too much time with them.

However, the Telemarketers/Evening callers that I have found new joy in speaking with are....................The Debt Collectors. (no they're not calling for me) (yet)

Apparently some slut named Celia had my phone number before me and didn't like to pay her bills. She probably didn't have a job and probably still doesn't. (bet I know who she'll vote for)

Anyway, these debt collectors call and I immediately paint a picture in my head.

Smoke filled room. Overweight white female or ratty white dude. Rock Star and Kool Menthols on the desk. Meth in the pencil drawer. Now calls me and grills me on the whereabouts of Celia.

No matter what I say or what I've asked, they eventually always call back. Have now for years. So if they're going to call back, I might as well have fun.

"Hi can I speak to Celia?"
"Um...who's calling?"
"That's of a private matter"
"Well you just called my house"
"This is Allied Interstate"
"Allied the Moving company?"
"IS CELIA THERE?"
"No"
"Where is she?"
"How the F do I know cocksucker? She hasn't had this number for the past 4 years, but you methheads continue to call here."
"So you don't know Celia?
"Did I stutter?"
"Why are you getting irate?"
"I'm not, I just don't like you."

......And on and on and on. It's actually a lot of fun. It sharpens the skill of wit. And then when I don't feel like verbal combat, I just save it for another day.

The Band-Aid

This morning at Starbucks:

There was no sign of Conrad. There was no sign of Al Davis. But the Band-Aid was there, with his toupee, at 6:50 in the morning, apparently looking to conversate.

He picked the wrong guy.

We've never spoken before. Not even exchanged polite pleasantries. However, I'm sure he's seen me before as I've been going there for 3 1/2 years..........and I think he lives there.

As I stood at my favorite 2x2 sq ft of area in the shop, the sugar counter, The Band-Aid bellies up next to me.

"Hey, the market has really tightened up this morning."

"WHAT? What the hell is going on over at Albertsons?" The Market? The Market!!?

Listen pal, you tell me something crazy about the market, I'm on my way over to Vons to make sure they're not running out of Rocky Road ice cream. I don't care about the market and I don't want to talk to you. I don't like talking to people that I don't know PERIOD, let alone at 6:50 in the morning. Seriously, you're talking to the wrong guy.

I'm already struggling for power and position at the god damn sugar counter trying to box these fools out and be on my way. I don't need to jam up my flow by starting a conversation with some Starbucks groupie who got caught five fingering brownies at Stater Brothers.

A Public Service Announcement from AJ

Things WE Hate:

"""I think we can all agree the new millennium has brought about many changes that have benefited society as a whole. HDTV, DVRs, Online Bill Pay, Internet, emailing, etc. What about one of the alltime convenient and simplistic inventions of all time. The Debit Card?

However, there are those who long for the old days and refuse using those complicated card swipe machines found at every register in every type of store on the planet (yes even Mexico).

These fossils choose to kick it old school and manually scribe the name of the store, amount (both numerical and alphabetical), look up the date, and then sign their name. In the amount of $3.14.

I guess this is ok…...when your not one of the 15 people in line behind them. We must wait our F'ing turn to buy 2 things, swipe our card and get on with our life in under 2 minutes.

My favorite part is waiting for this person to fish their ID out of their wallet so the clerk can write down their driver's license number on their check. Seriously..if you are writing a check, shouldn't you expect to show your ID?

There is ample time to prep your check prior to greating the clerk. But some refuse. Inconsiderate and uneccessary.

Maybe those people in Logan's Run were on to something…"""

Wow, Logans Run!!!! Great pull! I'll roll to Sanctuary with that ho any day.

Having the Newest Gadgets

Those who know Carl, know that Carl has never been one that needs the latest and greatest. I'm simple with simple needs. I don't go run out and get the latest iPod or iPhone. I don't have state of the art media equipment at the house. I'm actually surprised that I have HDtv & DVR.

However.

I am ready to make an impulse buy on a new gadget.

You know those heavy duty, triangular, solid steel, ramming things that are on the front of trains? Those things that can move cars or large objects off the tracks as the trains wiz by? I'm going to install one of those things on the front of the Fusion and ram ever muther sucker that enjoys driving 20 miles an hour slower than the speed limit.

The Worst Look Ever: Part 2

I know you've seen this guy.

They guy with the bald head (but shaved), hoop earing, goatee, .............and an NFL jersey. .................But it's Wednesday.

This look is the worst(second worst). Come on....I know that you know this guy. He's the guy you've seen in that photo. The photo of him at his 2yr olds birthday party, ....chin up....wearing his raiders jersey, with his homeboys, throwing up the "West Side", with NO smile.

Possible Accessory: Flat Bill Hat

Extra points for those kooks who put their OWN name on the back of their jersey

Things I Hate: 6

"Hello, this is Sir Dr. Carl Limar MD, PhD, MBA & JD"

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a telephone call where someone, that you don't know, introduces themselves as Dr?

Unless you are my personal physician, I don't give an F who you are. I'm not going to bow to you like your fat office staff that you crap all over does.

Should I respect you any more than the next guy because you went to school for a long time?

Leave your God complex at the door.

The irony is that I'd give you better treatment if you played Joe Normal as opposed to trying to gain better treatment playing the Dr. Card.

Score one for the Chrysler

This has nothing to do with the 1st debate of the presidential race, but if The Chrysler doesn't just wrap this up like a jimmy hat on an 18 yr old on prom night, it's beyond me.

We have screwed this whole thing up bad. In my humble opinion, the basic conservative fundamental philosophies are correct. However, the basic ideology is just a vehicle. We still need someone to drive this thing.

A Ferrari is a superior vehicle, but if there's a drunk behind the wheel, it's not going to perform.

Over the past 8 years with The Monkey, we've endured:
9/11
A war
Katrina
The housing crisis
The economic crisis

How the F do you defend that? You can't.

No matter how The Coat Hanger spins his plans, you still have to reflect on the past 8 years as being part of his base philosophies.

The Chrysler is going to run away with this thing.

To0 bad when he takes office not a a thing will CHAAAAAANGGEEEEE..........

But we'll have HOPE that it will. Because YES WE CAN.

Apparently, those 3 things are the solve alls.

Baseball Sucks

Among many things, Baseball does some gay stuff.

They call their coach a manager. A manager? Don't you find managers in cubes asking how many calls you made today? Every other sport calls their coach.............Coach.

Why do their "Managers" wear baseball uniforms? You have old fat bald dudes in uniforms and cleats. Cleats?!?! WTF do they need cleats for? Think about that. Some tub like Lasorda sitting there sweating in the dugout wearing the same uni that his players are. Like he's going to grab a helmet and pinch run for someone at 1st.

Could you imaging this happening in other sports? Could you see Charlie Weis and Andy Reed in full gear with a headset over their helmet? Lou Holtz?

Could you see Phil Jackson wearing a tank top, XXXXL shorts and a headband walking up and down the court?

Michael Phelps' coach in the front row of the stands in a Speedo?

Seriously, how ludicrous is that?

It's better to give than to receive.

Being the staunch religious man that I am, I believe that this is one of the 10 Commandments or Golden Rules or something like that.

Either way, I've always found that there is more joy in giving than always looking to receive. It's more fulfilling to share than to hoard or be greedy.

I'll admit. I'm a simple person with simple needs and wants. It makes life easy for me when my needs & wants are small. And when I have more than I need and have the ability to provide for others I would much prefer to share what I have.

It brings me great joy to share dog shit with others. No really, it does. When I'm fortunate enough to see the loaf just before I run it over with the mower, splattering shit on my ankles, I make the choice to give.

I find the nearest stick and flick the dog shit onto the sidewalk for ALLLLLLLL to enjoy. I mean, why should I be the only one to enjoy it? Mushy, Dry, Stinky & Slimy. It doesn't matter. It finds it's way onto the sidewalk for everyone.

I do wonder though. When the "neighbor of the year" walks by the next morning and notices his dogs feces on the sidewalk and not my grass where he left it, does a light bulb go off? Do they sit back and say, "Oh, maybe this guy didn't want me to leave Fido's yam on the grass."

Doubtful.

The Fatwa Has Been Lifted

Ed,
Don't go Bill Buckner on us and land in some obscure mountain town and surround your home with mines and machine gun nests. Don't wrap your head in foil to keep the evil from entering your head and chewing on brain. The Fatwa has been lifted.

How can you you hate this guy.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Ed-Hochuli-is-very-frowny-after-the-disaster-in-?urn=nfl,108018

Ed Huchuli:

I have ordered a Fatwa of death for you. DEATH!

There is a nice hot seat waiting for you in hell where that XXS polyester striped shirt will melt to your skin for eternity.

Dear David Beckham,

Go Away.

Yeah, I realize you've sleighed more ho's than King Arthur. I realize your wife is smoking hot, in a Martian kind of way. And I realize that all the wives goo goo over you.

But, go away.

I am tired of seeing you on ads and magazine covers looking like some kind of bad ass you're not. Why do you try and look like you just punched through someones sternum, grabbed their heart and took a bite out of it before they hit the floor? Are you an MMA fighter? Are you Bruce Lee reincarnate? Why you always trying to look hard?

Do you realize you're a soccer player? An over the hill soccer player? You ain't Tom Brady. You aint Timberlake. You're a Grass Fairy.

Go style your eyebrows so you look dangerous. Go stuff a potato down your BVD's so it looks like you have root. Go ink yourself up some more so you look like 50. In fact, go shoot yourself 9 times and try not to miss your head.

Or just please, go away.

We're all Gonna Die!

Those guys who are Wicked Smaht are back.

The Large Hadron Collider is set to demolish the Earth on Wednesday. For those non-nerds, the Large Hadron Collider is that $10Billion thing they have spent 200 years building over in Switzerland. The LHC is that thing that is going to accelerate atom particles to re-create the Big Boom. The LHC is that thing that is going to let the F'ing Klingons enter the Earth through a worm hole created and destroy us.

Seriously. Science is cool and all, but this might be one of the coolest experiments of all time. Right next to feeding seagulls Alkaselters and watching to see if their guts explode at 100 feet. Even though experiments might be cool and answer questions that have been baffling people for centuries, are they really necessary?

Ok, what happens if we figure out how the Universe works a little better? That's not going to help me pay my bills. That's not going to keep my Chargers from letting me down time and time again. So whats the point? I realize the chances are SOOOO remote that I'll be seeing Klingons vaporize people in line at Starbucks, but if there is a possibility for throwing the Earth out of rotation, why do it?

I'm all for progress, but unless we have a feeling that we know there's a way to cure cancer by doing this, is it really worth the risk?

Things I Hate: 5

Field Goal Kickers...................I mean Soccer players who strap up in pads.

They aren't one of us. They'll never be one of us. They are "Idiot Kickers" and they have 1 job to do. Kick the oblong through the goal posts.

They don't practice with the team, but you know they're on the team. Every day at practice, you see them in the distance..........kicking field goals with the..........back up kicker......err.....other soccer player. They kick from both hashes, long and short, from behind the posts, from the parking lot banking off cars. All through the uprights.

Thats what they do for 3 f'ing hours while the real football players practice.

Come game day, they let you down. Not always, but enough. Chip shots should be automatic. FREAKING AUTOMATIC! You can not let your team down by choking a god dammed chip shot.

Possibly this is why Pop Warner is much less aggravating then College, Pro and even high school. Because, in Pee Wee league theres a good chance that the guy kicking the ball is wearing a neck roll, wearing #56, throws the ball on offense and plays middle backer on D. And if he misses, he's still one of you.

As opposed to the soccer player standing there with his stupid elf shoe (singular), styrofoam shoulder pads, spandex game pants and his Joe Theisman facemask enhancing his view.

Flip Flopping

Here I sit, watching the local High School pep rally ........err.........The Republican National Convention.

Dude, these people are weird. And I love how the camera keeps panning to the 3 black peoples in the crowd as well as the 1 or 2 good looking men and women in the crowd. Who they kidding? They're in Minnesota. Bunch of pasty, fat white folk up there.

Anyhow, after watching this I am totally inspired. I think I'm going to vote now. I know that's a Flip Flop, but if our politicians can do it so can I.

Come November, I will cast my vote for:

Montgomery Brewster: None of the Above

Things I Hate: 4

Why do all Hurricane Reporters report, on location, outdoors, in triple gale force winds, with a god damn baseball cap on?

Scenario:

"In, 3,..... 2,...... 1, you're on....."

"Good morning, this is Victor Delgado reporting live from New Orleans where Hurricane Gusto.........WHOOOOAAAAA, HOLY COW, THERE GOES MY HAT!"

Really??? No F'ing shit.

120 mile an hour winds tends to blow things around a bit. Why do they try and add effect to their reporting? As if we can't see the Volkswagon twirling through the air behind them.

I hate reporters.

Clifford the Big Red Dog is a Racist

How can this be? Aren't we past these racist stereotypes? Especially in a PBS kids show?

PBS isn't re-running episodes from the 70's, these are all new. These new episodes are stuffed full of new, modern day, P.C. moral messages to our youth.

But,...how could they be so shallow?

Every morning I engage in about 90 minutes of tv suited for a 2 year old. The latest episode of Clifford the Big Red Dog had Clifford saving the day by being able to dig massive holes and build dirt walls to save the town from an oncoming storm.

As Clifford is digging and digging, the town folk is commenting and cheering him on. HOORAAY CLIFFORD! GO CLIFFORD! CLIFFORD WE LOVE YOU!

And then they pan to a gentlemen with a nice thick black moustache, a pancho and a shovel draped over his shoulder. Out of his mouth comes............in your best migrant worker accent, ......."Cleeefoooord, I chore like da way you deeeeeig."

WTF.

Thank god The Chrysler will get us past all this soon.

A Quick Thought about the Presidential Election

Driving along the other day I had,........."what alcoholics call, "a moment of clarity"."

I ain't votin'.

For the past few years I listened in to what's been going on. I read up on the newest political crap being thrown out there. I've always had an opinion. The last few years I've been preachin'.

Now I don't really care. I think both our options suck.


You either have more of the same from "The Coat Hanger", who probably won't live through his 4 years in office. Or, you have "The Chrysler", who is....................wait a second...................just hold your jock for this one..............................inspiring.

And he will inspire me to make sure the pressure in my tires are maximizing fuel efficiency.

On polls taken, people like him because he's inspiring. Again, great reason to vote for someone.


Their plans, and lack there of, suck. They pander. One is a cowboy in training and the other is a magician, full of illusions. Maybe I'll change his nickname from The Chrysler to.... "Copperfield".




I can't believe I'm not going to vote. I'm not even trying to convince myself to vote. Not even for the lesser of two evils in my world.
It is interesting though. I know what we'll get with The Coat Hanger, but I'm more interested to see what'll happen with The Chrysler.

Just maybe it's not going to be as easy as....... "CHAAAAAANGEEEE".........

We all know nothing in politics changes.

I do know one thing, besides me knowing I aint' votin'.

We get what we deserve.

The Alien Invasion

No, not from Mexico.

Former Astronaut and Moon Walker (heee'-heee!) Edgar Mitchell, 77, claims that multiple governments have been covering up Alien visits for over 6 decades.

Fortunately for them the Aliens have only visited US friendly countries so they could all be in cahoots and keep this info from the general public.

Could you imagine if Martians landed in Africa, Middle East, China or anywhere else? It would have been total chaos. Apparently the Aliens GPS is extremely advanced and landings only occur in Nevada, New Mexico, Great Britain & Australia.

http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,,24069817-5001021,00.html

The Hypocrisy Continues.....

But this time it's coming from my side of the fence.

The Chrysler gets a pass.

He has been getting throttled by the conservative media for these so called "gaffes" he's made during public speaking events. They say he can't put sentences together to make a coherent point unless he's reading from a teleprompter. They say he fumbles and flubs his words and arguments unless it's laid out for him by his writers.

Since when is being able to speak well a pre-requisite for holding office. A talking monkey has been eating bananas in the Oval Office for 8 years now. I feel more at ease trying to understand my 2 year old then listening to Dubya trying to "wing it" during a speech.


How does ANYONE have the nerve to call out the Chrysler for being a bumbling idiot when our own president once referred to a baby fetus, as a baby feces?

Granted, I'm a believer that the Chrysler can't form a coherent thought unless written for him, but by no means does the conservative media have a leg to stand on when they say he can't be Prezodent because he can't talk.

Not everyone can be like Bill Clinton. He sucked too, but I'd buy a mud Popsicle from him.

My Crystal Ball

I can see 12-36 months into the future. The Chrysler is in office.

Even though his presidential campaign was based on the premise of "Change", there has been none. Zero. Nothing of significance has changed except for taxes. The wild card he holds and will throw out on the table is, "Of course change hasn't happened the way you all want, we're still trying to clean up the mess of the Bush regime."

The blame game is used by all scum politicians. They all know they're able to accomplish nothing so they blame having no results on the prior official. ("W" did it when blamed Clinton for 911)


"Change". What a crock. McCain claims "Change" too, but he doesn't have the trademark for his campaign.

Nothing will "Change", but that logo is enough to get him elected. That, and the other reason people say they're going to vote for him......

"He's inspiring."

Great. Superb reason to vote for someone. He's inspiring.

Coach P was inspiring and he sucked.

5 People I'd like to grab a beer with

"W" - Set aside the fact he's the President, he seems like a personable guy when he's not in uniform. Since he is the President, I'd like to get a read on whether he truely is a bumbling idiot, or if he's going to say something like....."Ya'll have no idea what is really going on behind the scenes causing this chaos. If you knew, you'd see why we're doing what we have to do. And then again if you knew, I'd have to kill you."
I'd rather wait for the "tell all book". Some people are going to get sold down the river.

LT - Even though the one wearing a lightning bolt is one of my favorites, this is the REAL LT. Lawrence Taylor. I read his book in one afternoon. He could keep me entertained long enough for me to finish a case of beer. But as soon as he wants to tug a hit of crack out of a lightbulb, I'm out of there.

Jimi Hendrix - Ummm, A chance to sit there while this guy is having a conversation with me using his guitar? Sign me up.

Adam Carolla - Sarcastic. Dark sense of humor. Strange. Hilarious. King of common sense.

Carmen Electra - duh

Bizarre Foods 4

Ok, there's a first time for everything. Zimmern, you've strongly earned some credibility.

Zimmern got his ass kicked in some small cave town in Morocco. In order to prepare his next delicacy called 'Kaleah'(sp?), he left this mystery meat in a bowl in his van for 24 hours. Morocco is hot btw.

After hell has taken over this meat, it was then prepared with eggs and some spices.

Prior to Zimmern taking his first bite, he made note of:

"Looks like rotten meat, smells like rotten meat, every fly in Morocco has found its way to my plate." he then takes his first bite. Not a word.,.........for a while. If it wasn't for his sunglasses, you may have seen the vomit building up behind his eyeballs.

I'll give him credit though, he went for a second bite. This time however, begun slapping the top of his bald head over and over as if that was going to help the vile slop get down his throat any faster. Complete comedy.

He's been defeated.

Dog People

Let me throw out the first disclaimer.

If I know you and you bring your dog to my house, that is ok. While here and your dog has to go to the bathroom, he's free to drop a steamer in the middle of my grass or lift his leg on my Gardenia's. You're my guest and it's ok.

That said: Strangers.


WTF is wrong with you? You walk your dog so it can relive itself, but you allow it to relive itself on someone elses yard. Why is that ok? You walk your dog so it doesn't crap & piss in your yard, but allow it to crap & piss in someone elses yard?


It is not my problem if your animal has to go to the bathroom. I don't care if your yard ends up looking like crap because of your dog. I don't care if you have to walk a mile to the next canyon or open lot. It's not my problem.

No, I don't like piss burns in my grass. No, I don't like shit splattered on my ankles after running it over by mistake with the lawnmower.


Grown adults have lost common sense, courtesy & respect. I see it over and over. In the 9th grade I had more courtesy than that.
6:15am every morning I walked my dog 1/2 mile, in the street, to the canyon so she could go. I had more decency at 15 than many of the adults I see.


If you want your dog to trash your yard, be my guest, but you have no right to trash someone elses. I don't care. It's not my problem.

If you think you are a good guy by carrying a bag to pick up your dogs mess, why don't you just let him crap in your yard............and pick it up there?


This is not about dogs, it's about Dog People. I've had 4 dogs. I like dogs and I'm sure we'll have another someday. And when I do, I will have the same amount of respect as I did as a kid.
Or maybe I won't.

Paybacks a beeaaatch!

Brett Favre

I've always like the guy. How can you not. He's a baller, a boozer, a redneck, he's tough as nails, a pill popper and Captain Nice guy.

Rumor has it, he wants to come back.

When you retire as a king, don't unretire to become a joker. Fight all impulses to fuel the fire still burning. You shouldn't go down in history as a chump barely holding on. Please don't ruin the legacy. Go out on top, like Barry. Too many hang on for too long.

The only time you should come out of retirement is if Azubuki Okumbo from Nigeria just scammed your ass and your life savings is gone. Then and only then you could strap it back on and play.

Reasons I could understand being a Liberal

1) If I'm wealthy and an elitist, I could understand being a liberal. No matter what kind of tax bracket adjustment or political policy change occurs, it won't affect me much. I have everything I want in life, and if I don't I can buy it. Why not root for the ones who don't have anything? Why not support the entitlement politicians who are going to help those who have nothing? Why not? It won't effect me. If I didn't, an enormous amount of guilt would hang over my head.
And those wealthy elitists are out there. No, they aren't the CEO's of Exxon & Chevron, but they're out there.
Liberal families' incomes average 6 percent higher than those of conservative families. (Study from Syracuse Univ.)

2) If I'm a music, film or some other kind of celebrity star. First of all, I'm rich so see above. Second of all if I'm Tim Robbins, Alec Baldwin, Ben Affleck or some other lefty liberal, I don't care if the CEO of Exxon is going to come see my films. Chances are he will, but I'm not overly concerned since he is a small minority. There are however, millions of the simple folk who I need to come see my movie. Or see my rock concert. You have GOT to appeal to the peasants not the nobles. Therefore, let's fight for the entitlements of those who have less than me.

3) I'm a mental midget and I make decisions based on my heart and not my brain (see students & Hollywood). Well intentioned political policy based on emotion historically fail,... unfortunately.

The reason I'm not a Liberal:
I am not wealthy nor a celebrity and hopefully not a mental midget (however many disagree) I am Joe Twelve Pack where taxes & policy can effect my life. We must have rules, self reliance, preemptive policies, self thought & small government...............and I'm not entitled to shit. So go help yourself and don't 'expect' or demand it from others.

Living proof the Devil exists....

Weeds.

In my yard, I have earned my stripes. I've put in enough hours to rename myself Manuel. I tend to my plants, trees, flowers & grass on a daily basis. If I don't they will surely die. The perfect storm of crappy growing conditions exist in my yard. The laws of nature and physics are defied in my yard. It is a constant battle.

However.

I could turn my sprinklers off, leave for 10 days and return to weeds that have grown out of the cracks in my god damn patio. Weeds that are 3 feet tall and greener than the Amazon. While everything else is dead.

Weeds are made up of the same molecular structure as plants and flowers right? They need the same things to live right? Then how in THE hell do they grow and thrive while everything you want to grow dies out?

Satan

Economy vs our Socio-Economic Classes

Society, in all its forms, has been hit hard. Whether it be the stock market, out of control oil prices, the credit crunch or the housing disaster.

We all feel it one way or another. Some more than others, but ALL of our Socio-Economic classes are feeling the pinch. All FOUR of them. Here's how they rank, from the least impact to the biggest impact.

Upper Class - The rich folk.
These people are about to be totally pissed off when their taxes get raised to 75% when the Chrysler takes office next year. However, their rich. They're always going to have money. Nobodies starving here.

The Lower Class - The poor folk.
These people are getting CRUSHED. They can't afford gas to get to their minimum wage job and they just had their houses foreclosed on because they got suckered into mortgages they had no business getting into.
However, many are god fearing people and realize money doesn't bring happiness. They'll manage.

The Middle Class - The folks in the middle
Don't know where they stand. Some are migrating up to the Upper class. Some are slipping down to the lower class. The middle class of America is deteriorating.
Feel bad all you want, but remember many of these people getting pushed out are like the Jeffersons............movin' on up.

The 4th Class, and the ones taking these economic times the hardest is.......

The "C" Class
The Mercedes "C" Class driver is suffering the most.
Before this fake luxury car hit the market, a Mercedes was reserved for the top echelon of our society. They earned it, they drive it.
Then the affordable "C" class gave every wannabe the opportunity to pretend they are a Mercedes owner. *(A full breakdown of the C Class driver is for another day)
The "C" Class driver is having such difficult economic times just like the rest of us. Commissions at the shoe department at Nordstroms have been down and the $285/mo lease is becoming increasingly difficult.
The "C" Class person now needs to return the fake luxury car in exchange for a Scion or a Moped.
These people have not only lost their fake vehicles, but their whole fake existence has now been shattered.

Field Of Dreams

Great Kevin Costner movie where he builds a baseball field in his corn. Where the outfield ends is where the rows and rows of corn start. All of history's famous baseball players play ball there everyday and then retreat into the 8' tall corn. As they get deeper into the corn, they simply vanish.

I was sitting at a stoplight at a very busy intersection of a fairly prominent part of town today. On my right side was a housing development and a high end strip mall. On the left of me, hills, brush, canyon.


A group of......"day laborers" happen to be crossing the street in front of me. All seem to have ended their hard days work, got their groceries and moving on.

As they got to the other side of the street I was expecting them to head on down the sidewalk. Instead, took a 90 degree turn and headed into the......corn. Dudes just simply vanished. One by one in the 3 foot canyon brush.

The Bike Lane

As I fly by and buzz the elbows of my favorite athlete, I take note where they are in the bike lane. It looks as though the lane is about 5 feet wide. Not that it matters though, it could be 10 feet wide and the grape smugglers won't stay in it.

They don't like to ride "in" the bike lane, they prefer to ride "on" the bike lane line.

They slolem the line like they're failing a field sobriety test for CHP.

I drive a nice big car and on narrow roads I'm forced to veer into oncoming traffic and play chicken so I don't knick their elf shoes.

Nah. That in no way is a road hazzard.


Hey, no problem my friends. Keep doing what your doing. Keep cooking those hemroids every saturday morning with your 150 mile slolem through our city streets.

Dream Catcher

You ever notice a dog sound asleep kicking its leg and twitching every few seconds? You ever wonder what its dreaming about. Chasing cats or maybe running after cars.

Wouldn't it be interesting to get inside something or someones head during a dream? I watch my kid sleep all the time. I watch him toss and turn, grunt and twitch. I always wonder what he's thinking.

Tonight I got my first in-site into the mind of my 2 year old. Apparently he's a sleep talker.

What was it?

Playing with trucks? Watching the garbage truck? Throwing food? Jumping on dad? Sitting in the front seat of my car pretending to drive?

Nope.

Elmo! Elmo!

Comment of the Day...

I'm driving home from work and I'm on a busy 4 lane road. I come to a stoplight and I'm behind a Prius with stupid bumper stickers. Peace signs, Free Tibet, Bush Lied, yada yada yada.

Light turns green. 2 Minutes into my forward progress, I'm still moving 4 miles an hour. 2 MPH slower than being behind bicyclists.

Sooooo, I decide to give him the business and have my bumper sniff his bumper. He eventually moved over so I could pass. As I go by, I notice the hippie with his foot up on the dash smuggly and sarcastically giving me the thumbs up as I went by, as if I'm "a cool guy."

Whatever hippie.

Then I hit the next stop light and hippie boy lands right next to me. Windows rolled down I say (politely):

"If you want to drive around high listening to Air America, that's fine, just don't do it in the fast lane. Some of us have stuff to do in their lives."

His response?

Nothing. Just continued the thumbs up with his hippie braceletts and a stupid look on his face.

Perhaps he did say something, but it was soooo delayed, I was already 2 miles down the road.

Bizarre Foods 3

Mr. Zimmern. Did you have a grand time in Beijing? Where you able to find all the delicacies your fat, little, troubled heart desires? Did the clouds part way and a beam of light come shining down on ..........."The House of Penis"? Did you run to it like a little kid sprinting to the line of a roller coaster?

Yeah, he did it. He found a restaurant that SPECIALIZES in serving,.........penis.

Yak penis, tortoise penis, deer penis, ox penis, snake penis. Snake penis?

This sick bastard has lost my viewership. This sick bastard almost made my wife boot on her pillow.

Oh, yes, while he smiled with yummy delight at the taste and texture of the peni, the local he was with was turning green with every bite off the chopstick.

I swear to god if it was possible, Zimmern would slice off his own Johnson, sautee it in butter and enjoy every last morsel.

The worst look ever...

Everybody, at least once, has made this fashion faux pus. It's far worse than anything that came out of the 80's. Worse than the pegged pants or butt tight Magnum PI shorts. It's worse than the dirt we wore in the 90's when our clothes smelled exactly like they looked since wardrobes were furnished by Good Will & the Salvation Army.

This look isn't necessarily a fashion statement. You kinda just fall into this situation.

Imagine yourself or anybody you know, donning a T-Shirt & socks. Thats It.

White athletic socks and a t-shirt of your choice. Preferably one that simply drapes right to the belt line.

There are only 2 acceptable times when this look is to be worn.

1) If your completely F'ing weird.

2) You are absolutely annihilated, your arms are wrapped around the toilet bowl and the noises coming out of you are from Hell itself.

Don't lie. You know you've been there. And when you're there it aint good. I am curious though, to know what conscious or ......unconscious decision we make when we think that stripping off everything but those 2 items is the appropriate action. Why not the socks and shirt and just roll with the pants? At least we might look cool.

There can't be a more low moment in your life when you wake up, in the bathroom, looking like that, ass frozen & trying to piece together what the hell you did the night before.

At least your feet kept warm.

Reason #3 I Rule...

His name is Fred. I did not give him his name.

I have never met Fred, however he is always with me. I don't know what Fred looks like, other than what I've seen in 7th grade science class. I'm not even exactly sure Fred is a he.

Never the less, we have a symbiotic relationship and I hope Fred is here to stay.

Fred is my tapeworm. I do not know how or when I got him. I don't know where he came from. If I had to guess, I would say.......................a place with some derivative of "Bertos" in its name.

I have the uncanny ability to eat 4 jars of Crisco, per week, and not gain a pound. My belly is a bottomless pit that can absorb the punishment of pizza, beer, steak and candy at a single sitting. Then when I complain that I'm stuffed, put down a bowl of icecream.

Where does it go? I don't know. Ask Fred. Fred must be the size of a god dammed fire hose.

I'm 33 and quite possibly the only one I know who complains of not being able to fit in his clothes because they've become............to big.

I guess I shouldn't complain. I should feel happy. I just assume enjoy it while it lasts. There WILL be a time when Fred dies, my habits don't change and I become the poster child for Jenny Craig.

Punchin' the Bag

No, not that. Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking about mugging the Kojak doll or flogging the dolphin, I'm talking about punching the heavy bag.

I've done all kinds of workouts in my life. Light & heavy weight training. Rapid fire cardio as well as endurance. Various sports that alter how your body looks, works and responds.

I hung a heavy bag in the garage and now break a sweat a few times a week working the bag. I never realized what a good workout it could be. Gets the heart going, gets the sweat moving and you can feel it in the muscles from your legs to your finger tips. Since I can't even remember how to spell Gim let alone remember how to get there, a good workout in the garage is all I need.

Added benefits to this new workout are:

1) I can get stuff done without leaving the house.
2) It keeps hand eye cordination sharp.
3) I've been missing that aggressive release. I'm tired of beating my wife

Next up is I'm going to clear a path up the hill behind my house, put a Kangaroo headband on and sprint like Walter.

Question of the Day

I cut my lip shaving this morning at 6:15am. It wouldn't stop bleeding no matter what I did. I had an 8am meeting and no amount of pressure, tissue paper, or Vaseline would stop the hemorrhage.

I spent the entire hour long meeting wiping blood from my lip with my finger. I licked my lip so many times that I ingested 2 pints of my own blood and now my lips are severely chapped. It was gross and embarrassing. It just wouldn't stop.

My next meeting was at 10am. I spent from 9am to 9:50 in surgery, again applying pressure, smothering Vaseline and trying to dry it out with tissue paper.

9:55am. It stopped.

Wow, miraculously before my meeting, it just stopped? I look in the mirror and notice that the tissue paper had somewhat gelatinized between a 1/2 moist, 1/2 dry, raised, red, textured mess on my lip. It no longer looked like tissue paper and blood, it looked like:

Herpes.

Now I have a pressing decision to make. I have two options to choose from.

A) Do I go to my next meeting looking as if herpes simplex 47 just threw a rager on my lip, but at least it's not constantly bleeding?

or

B) Do I rub off the tissue paper and just sit through the next hour licking my lip like a dog with peanut butter stuck in its mouth?

Question of the Day:
What do you roll with?

Music of the 90's

Does the fact that I just sat through the entire Top 100 Songs of the 90's on VH-1 mean that I'm yearning for some good tunes or that I have nothing going on in my life?

Regardless, I can't bring myself to believe that the past 8 years can even hold the jock of the 90's. The grunge, the hip hop and everything in-between. The 90's had some of the best blend of music in the history of sound.

Not only did I recognize every song and like it, but every song brought me back to a place in my life that was 'good times'. Maybe that's why I like that music so much. There's an emotional tie. High school, College, Post College slumming on the beach etc.

I mean when Sabotage comes on from the Beatie Boys I think about drinking a 40 in the back yard of 1208 and which one of us can whip the most wicked curve ball.

Think if we had iPods back then and we were able to have all our Sublime, Biggie, Pac, Pearl Jam, Green Day on and on and on in one piece of equipment instead of throwing in the overplayed tape that jammed up your boom box.

The 90's went through the end of the hair bands, dirty grunge, hip hop started and the man banders bloomed. Those 10 years put out the best sounds of all time.

Self Reliance & Self Empowerment Vs. Entitlement

The following was not written by me. The following is not a debate between Republican & Democrat. The following is about the ideologue and the differences between how two minds will comprehend and execute certain thoughts.

I'm not saying one person is smarter than the other. I think it's how different people process surrounding information.

My "so called" hate mongering, insensitive, uncaring & ungiving philosophies lead me to believe that the following has merit.

"Conservatism always defeats Liberalism when debated and honestly applied. Conservatism is based on man's ability to better himself through work, religion, education, self thought, savings, family, justice and small government. The substance of life.
Liberalism is based on emotion, class envy, fear of the future, the social collective thought, and self pity. The supposition of life."


Now there is 50% of this country who will disagree with that statement. They process information a different way. Why? I would like someone to simply destroy that statement, without emotion, so I can understand how those "others" come to the conclusions that they do. Conclusions about Life, Politics, Society etc. that keep 50% of us baffled to no end.

I'll be waiting....

Bizzarre Foods.....2

God Dammit. Zimmern, you sick bastard. You are full of crap,....... again.

Tonight on the island of Tobago, you ate "the penis of a conch".

Raw.

No seasonings. So smokey charcoal flavor. No vegitable or fruit additive to disguise the texture or flavor. You straight pulled it out of the shell and ate it.

Can you guess his response? "Holy shift! That was Nasty?" "Ah, dude, I'm a sick M F'er, I can't believe I just did that?"

Nope. More like......... "Hmmm, kinda hard, but as a whole not bad"

Not bad? Not Bad???? You just ate the the raw root of a freaking sea snail dude. What the hell is wrong with you?

Scars Rule

Real scars. Not the ones that come with females in the terms of emotional damage. Scars can tell interesting stories about people. If you have no scars, you are either superman or have lead a very boring, unchallenged, overprivileged and protected life.

I think I can tell you what 99% of my scars are from, head to toe. When they happened and what I did to get them. Some look cool. Some are weak. Some that you can barely see are from the gnarliest of activity. Then there are some from stupidity, like the one I got when I was 17. I got my ass kicked by a palm tree and I'll leave it at that.

I always like to ask how people earned their wounds.

Surgeries
Fights
Sports
Car wrecks
A screwdriver through the foot
(a palm tree)
etc. etc.

As long as there is an interesting tale behind it, you'll have my attention.

Being the Worlds Policeman

Do you realize that the United States has somewhere between 700-1,000 military bases around the world? Located in over 150 countries?

Iraq, Germany, Japan, Turkey, Italy, Iceland, Spain, Korea, Hungary, South America and on and on and on.

When was the last time you were out and about and stumbled upon Frances Boy Scouts....I mean Army posting up on a piece of US soil? It doesn't happen.

You wonder why people call us imperialists. You wonder why people around the world hate us as they see us forcing our will upon the world.

What is the alternative? Nobody has the money, the ability and frankly the balls to do what we are forced to do.

What happens when there is no authority present? The dogs rule the junkyard. They say that "people" are inherently good in life. I disagree, I think people are naturally bad. Laws, faith, education etc. are what keeps people restrained & structured, and there isn't enough of that around the world.

Do we do it to preserve our best interests? Yes, absolutely. The US is our business, it's our family and we do whatever it takes to preserve what we have. If we are deemed the bad guys so be it. It could be a lot worse.

Wicked Smaht...

Science is interesting, yet I don't know anything about it or attempt to say I do. It's one of those fascinating things that I can't grasp my arms around.

The intelligence of some is absolutely baffling. Good Will Hunting was a great fictional movie, however those dudes exist. This new article is talking about 10 billion dollar particle separators that will help us understand Einsteins theory of relativity and put together the various dimensions of this universe. This physics dude is going to prove the existence of an 11th dimension.

What? 11 dimensions? I thought we had 3. And to see it you had to wear those paper glasses with red & green lenses. 11 dimensions? What the hell does that mean? What in the hell is dimension 4-10? Should we be concerned? Are we eventually going to find out that we're all living in The Matrix?

I don't even understand 95% of this article, but the fact remains there are some people out there with some wicked intelligence. Maybe someday, we'll actually figure out time travel.

I mean they. I'll be licking lollipops somewhere.

Word of the Day...

Frugal. Avoid waste or no unecessary spending.

My people are a frugal people. Today, I am a frugal person, however that wasn't always the case.

Yes I will admit, there was a time when I was a derivative of frugal. I was a cheap, stingy, miser. Yes, there was a day when all 12 of those Keystone Lights were mine and you could have none! Yes, there was a day when I only had an ice tea and you had the beer so you owe more. Yes, there was a day I would drive 5 miles to find 5cent cheaper gas.

However, those days have long passed. Today it is frugal. I don't mind spending money. I don't mind giving my fair share or sometimes more because I know some other day it'll come out in the wash. I just mind spending money for stupid things.

Tipping pisses me off. The service society has morphed into a mandatory tip machine and it drives me nuts.

Tipping when earned is fine. I have no problem with that. I worked in a resaurant for 4 years. You wait on me, whether you're good or even sometimes when you suck, you'll get 20+% every time. You cut my hair, you get paid. You drive a taxi and hit 4 people to get me where I'm going in a jiffy, you're getting paid. If you exceed your expectations, you get a tip. I'm ok with that.


You have your hand out because you cracked a beer for me behind the bar? Go F yourself. You help me load a box into my car and then stand there with your hand out? Go pound sand. You want to make me an ice cream cone and then wait to yell and chant when I put your tip in the jar? Go choke on a waffle cone.


Mr. Pink had it right. Why does everyone have their hand out for extra money when they are just performing their jobs? Didn't tips originate from those who did above and beyond their duties?

It just becomes unecessary spending. It goes against the frugal principles of life. I still always do it, I just don't like it.

Things I Hate: 3

Have you ever been driving at 6:30am on a Saturday morning? There's really not a whole lot going on. No cars, no traffic, the bicyclers are still at home shaving their arms getting ready for their morning slalom, and you have the streets to yourself.

Have you ever come upon a little intersection with a stoplight and you mysteriously have a red one? You look to your left, look to your right, look up in front.......but nothing. Why do I have a red light?

You then notice Mr "crosswalk guy". The guy who had hit the crosswalk button to let him know precisely when it was safe to cross the street. Never mind that I'm the only car on the road, he found it necessary to stop me. He can't just wait until the coast was clear and then mosey across the road without holding up any possible traffic coming through? It's totally unnecessary.


When these people walk over train tracks, do they "hit a button" to stop the train so they can carefully cross? No, they go when it's clear. Why can't the same rule apply at 6:30 in the morning when it's safe enough to fall asleep in the middle of the road?


By all means, use the crosswalk when necessary. When it's not, use your head.

Question of the Day....

Are you smarter than you were yesterday? What is the natural progression of your mind and your absorption of knowledge based on,.......I don't know........school, reading, life's experiences, your career, parenthood, marriage, travel etc?

Wouldn't it be fair to say that you are smarter and more well rounded, as a whole, than you were 10 years ago. How about 1 year ago. How about last week? I would say that's fair.

I'm 33 and 100% confident that I am 1000 times smarter than I was in college. I will guess that my knowledge and understanding of life, general concepts, and how the world works will continue to grow until my mind is too old and the law of diminishing returns sets in.

My priorities may change as I get older, but I know when I am 53, I will be much smarter than I am today and 10,000 times smarter than I was in college.

So possibly, it's fair to say that I was stupid in college, however no different really than my peers at that time right? Or if not stupid, certainly my overall knowledge of life, general concepts, and how the world works was still in its infinitesimal stages?

Question of the Day....

Why do Democrat politicians, Liberal TV, Movie & News personalities succeed so well in using the college campus circuit as a massive recruiting tool as opposed to their opposition?

Things I Hate: 2

Politicians.

All of them. Republican'ts and Demon'craps. They stand at the podium and spew false hopes and empty promises. Every last one of those dirtbags. It took a long beating for me to realize that the only thing that will change is my paycheck at the end of every month. And for those who receive their, umm.....paycheck at the beginning of the month, that could be effected as well.

All else will remain the same.

Something I hate more then Politicians is 'The Guy' in the audience at the Politicians rally. Similar to the asswipe at a golf tourney who yells, "GET IN THE HOLE!!!", immediately after a Tee-Shot on a par 5.

These losers enjoy yelling, "We love you Hillary, Or, We love you Obama." And it's always a man. Dude, go home and find your balls.

THEY KNOW!!!! THEY KNOW!!!!!

Do we ever stop caring about the little things?

The answer, apparently, is.... yes.

It is confirmed. Old people know when they blow ass in public. They just don't care! And more power to'em.

A new study finds that the "Oldest Americans are the happiest".

Apparently, when you come to grips with who you are, where you've been and what you've accomplished........you begin to become...... happy? So the study says.

I would have never guessed that while staring down the barrel of death, you are you're happiest. That's a good thing to know.

I feel as though I've come full circle and answered my first question. Yes we do stop caring about the little things. Yes, we will not sweat the small stuff. And yes, when you are 80 years old and rip a fart in line at the super market, you don't care.
Because you care less what the 33 year old in line next to you thinks. Why would you care what some youngster thinks when you have dust camped out in your underware that's older then they are?

So the next time you see some old fellah flipping you the bird because you just cut him off on the road, remember: He didn't flip you off, he was happily waving, but the other 4 fingers just couldn't get into position.

Reason #2 I Rule

I without a doubt understand, comprehend and acknowledge the following truths to be fact and I am lucky enough to have grown up in it's mecca.

San Diego by far has the best Mexican cuisine of any place on the planet. Better than Me'hico herself.

It is an interesting dynamic of changes you'll experience if you travel only an hour to the north or if you go down below the border. If you ever stop off the highway to grab a carne asada burrito somewhere in LA, not only will the food be different (and suck) but it's probably more expensive. If you travel down past the border you may find food cheaper, but again it is certainly different.

There are a few prerequisits a Taco Shop must have before they fall into the catagory of greatness.

1) It must be open 24hrs a day with the freshest meat served at 2am.
2) Somewhere in the name, there must be some derivative of "bertos".
3) When I walk into the place I want to feel like I'm in a 3rd world country.

It's easy to spot the Taco Shop owned by some white dude who just moved here from the east coast looking to capitalize on San Diegos transplanted ignorants. Those shops are eatible, however they will never be champions.

The Unbeknowing Guest Writer....

From the originator of the Elevator Chronicals. It brings me joy when this person gets pissed. Here we go...

"Dude, people bug the living sha-hift out of me. First of all, I had some teenager call my house and here is how the conversation went:

Me “Hello”
Her “Hello”
Me “Uh…HELLO”
Her “Hello”
...Silence...
Her “Who is this?”
Me “You called me, who’s this?”
Her “Is this Jennifer’s house?”
Me “No”…click

Now all this could have been avoided if she could have just asked for the mutha-f-ing person right off the bat for f sakes! Dude, one of my pet peeves is when I answer the phone and say hello and then other person responds with “Hello”, absolutely hate that!!! Don’t call my house and expect me to ask the questions!!!! F!!! Now I’m pissed again!

Then the other day I was in LA Fitness going to take a leak and right as am getting ready to drain, some dude walks up next to me to take a piss, (pulled up the leg of his shorts instead of pulling the front of his shorts down like any normal human being) and starts pissing next to me. There were 5 other urinals available and he has to choose the one right next to me! I need to go to a padded room soon, I can feel it…"

Lovely.....

The BlueTooth Phenomenom

No offense to any friend of mine who happens to wear one of those wireless phone headsets at all times.

No, actually, you should be offended because you look like a fool with that thing in your ear.

The phone headset is the modern day Pocket Protector.

I was at the park yesterday watching my kid eat sand. (FlipFlops, T-shirt, Shorts.) I happen to notice a guy my age with his kids. Tight Shirt, Designer Jeans, Trendy Sport Watch, no shoes.

I think, "Single dad perhaps? Looking dapper at the park? Good place to meet single moms? Got his pimp limp working?" Good move.

He turns to the side and all that he's done has been unravelled. He's got this gay piece of equipment hanging off the side of his face. Dude, seriously? I don't get those things. He's not driving, he's not operating on someone and needs both hands. He's at the park with his kids. You can't not go....."hands free?"

I see that no different than if he had a transistor radio hanging from his belt blasting Europe. It's just bad.

No matter who you are or how hard you try I don't think it's possible to make that look, look good.

Media v. Economy

Interesting article jumping on an earlier thought.

Granted the source is going to find a slant to prove their point, but interesting non-the less.

I don't necessarily buy into media bias pushing a political objective in this case. I believe it to be more sensationalism reporting than anything else. If it aint sensational and scary, people aint listening.

The Hypocrisy Continues..........

So it is. They're at it again. The protectors of the poor. The lobbyists for the weak. The Robin Hoods who preach distribution of money to those who don't have it. The bleeding hearts who condemn the mean hate mongering Conservatives for trying to keep those less fortunate down and poor.

Bunch of frauds.

A new study and article out from the Washington Post, "Conservatives give more to charity" punches those hypocrites in the face.

Very interesting article pointing out that those who fight for the well-being of the poor (which is OK) only wants to do it with YOUR money, Not theirs. Including the rich elitists.


The age old saying, "Practice what you Preach".


Other thoughts:

The Hypocrisy of Free Speech

The Hypocrisy of Death

Just when you think you have issues

I ordered a beer at lunch today. By myself sitting at the bar. Still had to go back to work. Felt a little irresponsible.

Some dude bellied up next to me. By himself. Ordered a double vodka cranberry and an Irish Car Bomb to chase it.

Didn't get enough 4 days ago?

At least I ordered food.

Things I Hate...

Whether I'm in a rush........or Not"

When I sit at the stoplight at the on-ramp to the freeway, I patiently wait my turn. 2 Cars here, 2 cars there, 2 cars here, then I go.

Then it happens. Along comes the dude who's time is more valuable than mine. The single driver who hops into the car pool lane and blows the red light.

I curse these people and if I practiced VooDoo they'd be F'ed.

Democrats are Lucky......right now anyway

Even if you are so disgruntled over the past weeks controversy with Barack Obama and his pastor, at least you have an alternative. As grotesque as that might be, at least you still have Hillary to fall back on.

Had John McCain been videotaped lighting a 30ft cross on fire at a KKK rally, what the hell do the Republicans do? Not vote? Hope McCain stays in the race, but deflects the controversy by saying he was only lighting a fire cuz "he was cold"? Vote for him anyway to support your party despite him being a confirmed Grand Wizard?

No doubt this issue just sprinkled kryptonite into Obamas drink. What was once a candidate running away with this thing is now backed into a corner about to take the offer of a Democratic Super Ticker. Cuz at least 2nd place still gets him in the White House.

Question of the Day 2

I watched the beginning of a new mini series last night on HBO. John Adams. It seems to be a very accurate portrayal of the birth of our nation. I like history and have always watched and read about the Revolutionary War period, but never anything like this.

All the usual suspects: John & Sam Adams, Thomas J, Ben Franklin, G.W. etc.

Brave, patriotic & passionate. Outspoken and eloquent gentlemen with purpose. Willing to stand up for what they believe and even risk death. They were looking out for the common good for their fellow colonists. Unalienable basic rights given by god. They asked for this with no individual reward in return. No power, no money.

How interesting to watch the behind the scenes of the birth of America behind the stones of these men. These men who the king called radicals and traitors.

232 Years later we have Cindy Sheehan, Michael Moore, Ted Kennedy, The Clintons, Pelosi, amongst the many, many others who stand up to government and their policies and proclaim themselves defenders of the Constitution.

Question of the Day.

Is there any correlation between these people?

Reason #1 I Rule

I'm 33 and refuse to grow up. When leaving the grocery store, I must push my shopping cart towards ludicrous speed, hop on the back and ride to my car. It is against the rules to put my foot down to stop unless there is a 96% chance of me hitting a nice car. Otherwise, I use my body and weight, similar to Sumo techniques to steer through the parking lot.

I often pass children 3 times my junior walking with their parents texting on their blackberries.

The Media - Economy Cause & Effect

I think the majority of people and consumers don't follow what specific events are happening with the economy. ie. what exactly is causing the economy and the dollar to fluctuate, be stimulated, or tank.

Besides massive issues like the housing crisis, most people haven't an idea whats happening with the economy. They aren't trained economists. They aren't savvy forecasters. Most of the sheep listen in to what the media tells them.

If the media says we're in a recession, then I guess we're in a recession and we better hold back those pennies we were about to splurge on un-necessities.

Is the media to blame for perpetuating the problem? As well as some government officials trying to save their skin by saying that a recession is looming?

If nobody really said anything, wouldn't people just go on spending like drunken sailors the way they have been the last many years?

Of course consumer spending is only a small cog in the economic equation, but it can't hurt when people decide to go ahead anyway buying that 3rd car, or do that remodel, or continue to eat out 4 times a week instead of swapping to ramin.

I don't know. I'm one of those economically challenged persons who only hears this crap through the media. So now my kitchen countertops gots to wait dammit!

Bicyclers 2

This is actually a pretty funny video. Very clever.

The Awareness Test

Unfortunately, it is intended to be a PSA for the safety of Bicycler's. Screw those people. The awareness test? Be aware of Bicycler's? Perhaps those clowns ought to be aware of their surroundings. Perhaps they should be aware of some street laws. Just maybe, they should be aware of how god damned stupid they look in their Lite Brite outfits.

As previously mentioned, Carl does not like them. Bicyclers

Bizarre Foods

The Travel Channel is cool. But my favorite show on there has little to do with traveling to exotic destination spots. This is more a show for The Food Network, but I can guess why it isn't on there.

The show is called "Bizarre Foods". It's hosted by this short, fat, bald dude Andrew Zimmern. The premise of the show is for Andrew to travel across the world and sample strange cuisine from places in Europe, India, Africa, Asia, etc. And when I say strange cuisines, I mean shit that will make a billie goat puke. Stuff that is considered normal for that region, but you'd have a hard time finding in the states. You'd even have a hard time finding the INGREDIENTS here in America.

Bugs, fishheads, donkey, cat feet.

The only problem I have with the show is that the host lacks credibility. *I've watched the show 100 times and have yet to see him eat anything he didn't enjoy. With all the vile slop he's put into his mouth you figure at least one time he'd say, "Yeah, not really my cup of tea. Kinda tastes like I just licked a toilet."......... let alone gag and hurl on his plate.

He will sit with a jungle tribe in the South Pacific and eat liquified stink bug with dustmite crackers and he would ooohhhh and aaahhhh at the exquisite taste.

Perhaps he doesn't want to offend anybody. That's fine, but I don't buy into the fact that everything tastes good. I am an easy person to please regarding food and even I find some normal foods, let alone Kangaroo ass, disgusting.

(* Zimmern's top 10 list of gross foods is bullshift. He's never made one.)

Dog People

Celebritards have pushed the "dog people" phenomenom to catastrophic levels. I want to carry a sidearm. What is it with dog people? Why are dogs now considered "accessories"? What ever happened to 85lb Fido on a leash pulling his owner on a skateboard? Where is the beware of dog sign on the side gates of my neighbors?

Every dog now is a little piece of shift, yapping, designer dog. It has a name like Poo Bear or Buttertwinkles, it wears an Armani sweater and has it's own Louis Vuitton purse ride in.

Today, somebody entered my place of business with one of these rodents, put it on the floor and let it run around un-attended. I stared at this thing waiting for it to hunch its back, lower its ass and drop a sweet potato next to my desk. WTF??

Don't people have any courtesy, consideration or respect any longer? Dogs can't wait in cars? Are they afraid that their dog is gonna crap in the back seat and fling dog boogers on the windows? Yeah, probably, therefore lets trash someone else's office. Or house. Or restaurant. I should have stabbed it with my #2.

I understand if someone has to bring a child with them wherever they go and they happen to be unruly. A child can't take care of themselves. But dogs? They can't sit in the trunk for 15 minutes?

We've created this culture where we treat animals like humans. Their not, they're dogs, and if you argue that your dogs are just like humans, then you need to go make some god damn friends. And none of your 10 cats count, loser.

Traffic Jams in Starbucks

I don't get these people. I don't get the people who treat their coffee as if they're preparing a secret sauce to dribble over a $42 entree at a fine restaurant. Starbucks to begin with is overrated, they're just the most convenient unless you want to roll with a cup from a Shell gas station mini-mart. So after you wait on a 10 minute line in the morning at Starbucks, you then have to get on a 20 minute line to spruce up your coffee with any sugar, milk or whatever.

Why is it necessary for you to stand at the little counter and mix and stir, sip than mix, then stir and stir, then sip then stir, then sip and mix, then stir and stir and stir and stir, then sip; then clean your area, adjust your balls, say goodbye to the hippie behind the counter, then leave?

I don't get it. It's the same drink you probably got yesterday and the day before that. Don't you know the correct proportional amounts yet? 2 Parts of this, 1 part of this, stir and go. What am I missing? Is a cup of coffee to be IDEAL every time you put your lips to it? Is a gram of sugar more today than yesterday going to send you into a tailspin? ITS COFFEE! It cost $2. If you F it up, go get another one. If it was more than $2 there's so much sugar, ReddiWhip and chocolate already added that your diabetes will be yelling at you if you hit the sugar counter for more.

Don't people realize there are 10 people behind them just looking for a little milk to cool that thing down? Do they not care? Maybe I'm the stupid one. Again, maybe I should care less about other peoples time. Or maybe Starbucks needs to make that sugar counter just a little bigger. Like the size of a shuffleboard table.

I think maybe I just need to man up and start drinking my coffee black. Either that or start to enjoy the "Premium Select Roast" at my local Exxon.

The Unbeatable Ticket

Yes, the powerful, persuasive, smoke & mirrors dynamic duo of an Obama and Clinton ticket would be unstoppable. All the Democrats and the swing voters would have the best of both worlds with that.

Unless you were are strong conservative, you'd have to vote for the hope of change and possibility of something different then what we had the past 8 years. Republicans would be an afterthought.

It'll never happen though. Obamas going to get the nomination and the Clintons know it. Thats why theres so much mention of it coming out of the Clinton camp. I havent heard it once from Obama. The Clintons figure coming in second will still get Bill and wife back in power.

How well is it going to go over for President Obama to have those two shysters imposing their will and policies on him? To have 2 thorns right beneath him second guessing and questioning his every move, publically? It isn't.

While yes, even though they'd proabably be unbeatable I expect Obama to take his chances without her.

Question of the Day

I went to a full service car wash this morning. (I live in SoCal where you do that in February) It was one of those where you watch your car run through the washing tunnel and then gets spit out with the other 30 cars getting dried off by the 60 guys running around with drying towels and Armoural.

I noticed two cops show up to watch their cruiser getting washed. I quickly thought, "my tax dollars?". Then I settled down and assumed they probably get 'X' amount of car washes a month. I'm ok with that. That's their work vehicle and having well dressed cops and a clean cruiser gives off a professional appearance and attitude. That's like me having a client meeting in wrinkly pajamas inside a porta-potty.

So then I started thinking about all the other professionals who have car allowances or free cars where they also get 'X' amount of car washes per month. Pharm Reps, Outside Sales Reps, Other Government Vehicles............other government vehicles? Immigration vans.....?

Question of the Day.

What happens when I.N.S. rolls their vans through the car wash to the 60 guys with drying towels and Armoural?

Sicko

I saw Sicko over the weekend, the Michael Moore movie about health care and the need for socialized medicine. While I think Micheal Moore is more slanted than the 9 iron in my quiver, the movie sure did make you think. It didn't make me rethink my stance on socialized medicine because I still think it's a bad idea, but I did like many of the thoughts he brought out.

The point of the movie is to bring attention to the foulness of the insurance companies. What a bunch of greedy dirtbags. They actually have so called "hit men" to review a case and find ANYTHING applicable to canceling a policy. "Sorry, you didn't disclaim that you went to the clinic for the drips while you were in college so we're going to deny your claim for Leukemia treatment."

There were quite a few sad stories of people who got screwed by insurance. For me, that was a strong message that our system has problems.

However, Michael Moore made socialized medicine look like the best thing since sliced bread when he visited Canada, the UK, France and Cuba. All crap though. All one sided success stories with nobody to gauge a counter argument or question.

As a whole, the US has the best medical treatment anywhere on the planet (of course if you can receive it). That is because the medical industry is a capitalistic concept. There is INCENTIVE to be good. If you are run by the government, incentive and competition are gone and so would be the level of care. In a brief nutshell, that is why I don't like socialized medicine.

On the flip side, it is horrible that people can't get the care they need because of health care costs and corrupt insurance companies. I don't have the answer nor would I know how to go about it. But if you can fix, or control, and then watchdog the insurance companies wouldn't you think things would get better?

I could ramble on and on with other points, opinions etc, but that would take all day. To sum up the point of all points is:

While the thought and intent of a Universal health care program is great and noble, do you REEAAALLLY want the same people who run the DMV and CalTrans to operate how you're going to get operated on?!?!

Angry Old Man

I got yelled at by an old man last weekend. He was 95. I had parked in his parking place while visiting my grandmother at her retirement home. I didn't know. I didn't see the "cone" sitting in front of the spot that was marked 'reserved'.

After an hour of being parked there, I had to get a bag out of the trunk. As I did that, Methuselah came out of nowhere to verbally anihalate me. He had been staking out my car for an HOUR! He had hunted me down like wild swine. No joke, he treated me like I had just slaughtered his family, asking why why why.

Over and over, I graciously apologized and said I didn't know it was reserved. Over and over he continued to point to the little cone marked "reserved." Dude, reserved for what? The hurst on its way to pick you up? There's 10 open spaces in an empty lot.

I said, "I'll be leaving in a minute. There's worse things happening in the world. By the way, what the F do you care? you're 95 years old and If you get behind the wheel of that car, I'm calling the cops."

That old man hovered over my car for 15 more minutes while I was saying goodbye to my grandmother. When I did leave, he actually got in his car and changed spots. (I heard later, it took a good 5 minutes to manuver one spot over).

Point is, when you're that old, (besides blowing ass and not caring....err....knowing) theres only a few small things left in your life that you can control. That parking place is his domain. It's his to patrol and his last shred of world to protect. While they fail to care about some of the little things, it's the other little things that can control their lifes.

Hell

I read Dantes Inferno in an english class in college. Well, I kinda skimmed it......possibly the cliff notes even. I know I'd get a lot more out of it now-a-days and I would probably enjoy it. If I remember right, the main point of the book was the different stages of hell you would land in based on your particular sin. And you would relive that hell over and over for the end of time. Wow. Reliving something henouis for eternity almost makes me want to become a pries........well not that far, but you get the point.

I think about my own personal hell. I don't need to commit any sins to do it, but if I had to relive this over and over for eternity, than dammit, yes I would join the priesthood.

I'm severely hung over. SEVERELY.
I'm driving my wifes old Jeep Liberty where the sun visor keeps falling so I can't see.
I'm listening to mariachi music......and it's loud.
I'm on my way to ........(there's multiple places I hate to be)
And I'm driving 6 miles an hour because there's a pack of god damn bicyclers in my way.

Theres always a couple things that float in and out of my hell, but those 5 have been the staple for years now.

Bicyclers

How do I know its Saturday morning? There are 13,000 body shaven J-offs clogging our streets. I hate bicyclers. I would put an "I hate bicyclers" bumper sticker on my car if I didn't have a fear of getting my car keyed when I wasn't around.
What is it with these people? Whether they are in a pack of 100 or riding by themselves, they refuse to stay in the bike lane. They slolem in and out of the bike lane and do their best to trade paint with your front bumper as you pass them going 45.
They run red lights and stop signs. They ride in my lane, but can't go the speed limit. They all look like they got their asses kicked by a pack of Crayola Crayons. What is it with those stupid outfits they wear? It's like a prerequisit; in order to be a bicycler, you must wear neon tights. All the dudes look like they're smuggling grapes down their pants and all the females look like men.
I stand in line at Starbucks on a Saturday morning and if I close my eyes I feel like I'm at a tap dance recital from all those stupid little elf shoes click clacking around the floor.
My biggest gripe is their beliefs that they have equal share to the roads. They are a hazzard. Whether in a pack or by themselves, they are hazzards.